ok so last night [ i posted a blog on why i was having a hard time] i couldnt sleep and my mom saw i was extremely irratated and worried. she asked me why and i told her i didnt know becuase i have no control of how i feel and i cant explain when i want to kill someoen if they make the slightest noise or i am just out of my mind insanely happy when minutes b4 i wanted to die. she told me to take tomorrow off. last thurdays i begged her to take me home from school and she cam to pick me up. but now that she is givign me the day off i feel horrible. i go on major guilt trip and i feel liek my whole week is going to be screwed up no becuz im going to miss a test or some extra help thing or somthing. i go to school i have mental breakdowns and go home if i stay hoem i go on guilt trips and want to go to school. i dont feel normal this isnt normal. my mom thinks i should ask my dad if he would pay for therapy btu i knwo he wont or he will and he’ll think im being over dramtic and im going to end up like my mom and aunt and he hates them. also i really dotn thinki’m ready to stop i want to but not now if i go to therapy i’d only be able to talk about a little bit of the problem and i knwoif i said something about my family and their many secrets i’d feel horroble becuase i said one for my own personal help.  i just want to know whats wrong with me.