Hello,I understand that most who post are teens, but my daughter S.I. herself. I have been trying to do research so that I can understand some of why it is that she does this. I understand I will never physically understand so I don’t expect that. I was wondering if any of you have some suggestions as to how I go about helping her without making it worse for her? Before I understood some of what she was doing I had her put into the hospital for what I thought was ‘suicide’ thoughts. I was scared and acted solely on that first and not asking her what was going on. Wrong I know – so you see I don’t want to make the same mistakes again. I don’t want to judge anyone and I can’t honestly say it is right or it is wrong. I am just a mom that truly loves her daughter and could use any information as to possible triggers, how to open up a discussion with her and maybe find ways to help her cope and one day maybe stop. I understand there is no ‘cure’ and I am sorry for people thinking that way. it is more like alcohol in the sense that everyday one has to decide either to do it or not….everyday for the rest of ones life. I know there will be times that she does it even after not doing it for awhile – and that is ok, because hopefully by then we will know how to talk. To me each day she doesn’t injure on herself is wonderful and you don’t cancel those days just because you have one that you do….So please if there is anyone who can help I will forever be greatful. Hey you can even talk to her – if you feel that would work….our email address is penmister12@netzero.com . I will have to set up her own email.Oh by the way her name is Alexis (Lexi) and she is almost 15.Thank You,Penny
hi i think you are a really great mom for what you are doing. i feel strange saying this since i am only almost 14 but i really do respect you. my mom doesnt know that i S.I. and i have been for over a year now. i hope that when i do tell her or she finds otu that she is as suporting as you. you’re one of the first parents that i have heard say that they understand that they wont understand completely what their child is going though. the fact that you realize that tells me you might actully understand more that you think you do. we all make mistakes. that fact that you are tryign to understand some of why she does this is a good way of helping her. it shows you really care and you dont she’s insane or other things. talk to her really listen. i S.I. mostly because of guilt, so don’t make it seem like she’s hurting you more than herself when she does this… if that makes sense. the fact that u dont let a day when she injures ruin the days she hasnt is really great. again i really respect you for what you are doing she is really lucky to have you as a mother. i hope you find the help you are looking for.
love is the movement
rescue is possible
melissa
Hi Penny!! I am so sorry to hear that your daugther is struggling with this. I won’t wish this on anyone. The best thing you can do is to be open…be ready to hear what she has to say. Dont say stop(even though you want her too)…just be open and not judgemental. You could benefit from family sessions I think. This is something that very hard for me to talk to my own mother about. Just sit and talk with her and ask her what can I do for you? admit you were wrong before but you really want to help her with this struggle and you are here to listen. Fell free to email me anytime at chocoloversrus@gmail.com . ANd it might be helpful for you to talk to a anothner parent with a daugther who SI and what she does and someone to just vent too. Here is my mom’s email(its okay…I already ask her if I could give her your email and she looks forward to you emailing her.) walkerkim42@earthlink.net
free free to email me anytime shayla
i think that if she talks to others that have S.I. it might make her feel better. i started crying when i was reading others’ storys….because now i kno i’m not alone. when i feel the need to S.I. i sit and think about wat might happen or i go walk around my block -to clear my mind- or listen to music. it helps. im 13. my email is chayngb@yahoo.com plz email if wat to talk anything
Hey Penny i sent you an email. I hope you got it and i hope it helped. I wish the best for you and your daughter. I appreciate what you are doing for her i wish my mother would have done something like this. I think its great.
Liz
Hi, well there are many reasons why people S.I. It can be hard to understand why people S.I. themselves on purpose. S.I. is a way some people try to cope with the pain of strong emotions, intense pressure, or upsetting relationship problems. She may be dealing with feelings that seem too difficult to bear, or bad situations she might think they can’t change. Some people S.I. because they feel desperate for relief from uncomfortable feelings. People who S.I. may not know better ways to get relief from emotional pain or pressure. Some people S.I. to express strong feelings of rage, sorrow, rejection, desperation, longing, or emptiness. Or she might jut be depressed have you had any loss in the fimaly? Like pets or relatives? Is she doing good in school, how are her grades? Is she having boyfriend trouble? I don’t know what her reason is. But what you DO NOT want to say is: “Why are you doing this?” If she wants you to help her she will come to you, you should deffinatly not think that suicide is why she is doing this. There can be many reasons why but thats what most people do is jump to the conclusion of suicide. I think you really love her for trying to help her. But understand that she will come to you when she wants to talk. But untill then do NOT constantly badger her about it and watch her constantly. If you do not, I mean don’t like totally ignore her but don’t be on her constantly because then that will make her more agitated and more upset and might trigger her to S.I. herself again. Just DO NOT!!! react emotional, angry, upset or shocked like when you look at her injuries because that will make her feel ashamed and feel bad about herself. Well I hope this helps buh-bye 4 now 🙂
first off, major kudos to you for stepping out and wanting to help your daughter, my parents weren’t to happy when they found out i was S.I. they were mad as all get out and wanted to send me off. anyways, just let her know you’re there for her when she’s ready to talk. don’t over barricade her but also watch out for her. she’ll open up eventually. as a guy i can’t really say why she’s doing it, my perspective is different from the females. however, i can openly say i’ve S.I. out of pure spite, anger, hurt, or to simply feel human and to make sure i could still feel. i’ve also found out that writing and painting a lot helps me out, as well as working out, i usually find out that just lifting weights and running helps me get a lot of my frustration out of my system and lets me clear my head. anyways, best of luck. if you wanna talk more just hit me up at : dsdomos1@olemiss.edu
Penny – I too am the mom of a daughter that S.I. She’s been doing it for almost a year now. She has been pretty open with me about it although she doesn’t open up until after she has done it. I’ve learned a lot about her and myself through this. The only advice that I can give is to make sure that she knows you are there for her – through the ups and downs. The last time my daughter S.I. was last week. When she told me, I was heartbroken, angry and lots of other emotions – I did NOT, however let her know my feelings at that time. We had a nice long talk that evening after I had gotten my head back together and I explained to her that I didn’t understand, didn’t know why and that I just wanted to know how to help her. I told her to be patient with me as I learned about S.I. and what I might be able to do to help her, which is sometimes nothing but making sure that she knows that I won’t judge her, that I still love her, and that I will always be there to talk to her when she’s ready. It’s a difficult path and you are correct, it is an addiction like drugs and alcohol and I try to live by the motto one day at a time – we have ups and we have downs. My daughter and I have started to discuss some of the alternatives she may have instead of giving into the “urge” and we’ll see how it goes from here. Another suggestion is to try to do as much research about S.I. that you can – it has helped me and I’ve found some insight into my own self and my relationships around me because of it. Please feel free to e-mail me @ babs51998@yahoo.com should you feel the need to talk mom to mom anytime.
well im shocked… i know parents try to help but it actually seems like u are reaching out and trying everything u can… see thats what i needed… my mom still i guess pretends not to notice that i wear a arm band everyday to cover up my scars… she still never asks… what helped me was my ex… ive never really had someone i could go to and trust (not even my family) and then he came along and taught me it was okay to cry… i know it may seem dumb but that helped me wonders… he taught me that instead of holding it all in and making sure that i had someone to talk to… to at least vent… she needs someone that loves her… and i know that she probably will push u away… she will because she thinks noone understands and u wont not fully anyways… but just fight through it with her… shes S.I. not for attention shes basically crying out on her skin… shes looking for someone to notice and care… i didnt have that thats why i got sooo bad…
i didnt want help from anyone… and until i got it i kept relasping… and she might… i did a few times after i swore to myself it would never happen again… but again the relaspes happened when i felt noone was there and i couldnt take keeping it all in… i hope this helps and write me if u need anything else…
lovasomeliz@aim.com