i have these dreams of different ways i kill myslef and each one is better then the next i just dont do it for many reason .1)i dont wnat to leave my friends alone and have them now be sad (i doubt they will be sad ne ways ) 2) i dont wnat to get in trouble and i know that sounds weridbut i feel that even when im not here i will still get in trouble . and 3) i couldnt stand leaveing a mess for someone to clean up . i know thats not a great reason but i just feel bad for that person. Well im still gonna be in this life for a while so i guess i should just deal with my family and their stupid crap. i mean im the last kid of 5 i dont expect to be the center of attention unless its me gtting in trouble or haveing to clean or doing something for someone eles .i mean i get it im the last one i should raise myself but sometimes i would love to hear kim i am soo proud of you or even kim i love you but what ever im done with feeling sorry for myself and wiht their i dont care about you BS.