im trying so so hard. i havent injured since feb. WOW and yes i have gone longer up to six munths, but that was then, now this year its so so much worse, iv never tryed so hard not to do something since i was realy little atleast. i want to stop so badly and i am happy most of the time im just kinda tired. but the thing is the marks on my arm are starting to fade and i keep pooting that neosporin crap on them so thay go away but….. i kinda want them, thats so twisted isnt it.                   i want and miss the pain so much i dont know what to do with myself, im nolonger only thinking about it when im sad but sometimes just bord or nutral, there isnt a day that gose by that i dont think about it.   i just want it to be over, i want the craving to stop, i want it so badly and i think if i just make it that one more minit go that one more day without leaving a mark, mabe ill stop injuring or maybe ill go a day without thinking about it.     thats my hope atleast, my hope    i do have hope but i  realy want to know dose it get easyer
im starting to think im not nearly as strong as everyone seems to think i am,

how can i pertect enyone els when i cant even pertect myself frome me
what good am i realy…
when i can only be strong for others but me… how can i be worth ennything to ennyone  els if i dont feel i have worth