im trying so so hard. i havent injured since feb. WOW and yes i have gone longer up to six munths, but that was then, now this year its so so much worse, iv never tryed so hard not to do something since i was realy little atleast. i want to stop so badly and i am happy most of the time im just kinda tired. but the thing is the marks on my arm are starting to fade and i keep pooting that neosporin crap on them so thay go away but….. i kinda want them, thats so twisted isnt it. i want and miss the pain so much i dont know what to do with myself, im nolonger only thinking about it when im sad but sometimes just bord or nutral, there isnt a day that gose by that i dont think about it. i just want it to be over, i want the craving to stop, i want it so badly and i think if i just make it that one more minit go that one more day without leaving a mark, mabe ill stop injuring or maybe ill go a day without thinking about it. thats my hope atleast, my hope i do have hope but i realy want to know dose it get easyer
im starting to think im not nearly as strong as everyone seems to think i am,
how can i pertect enyone els when i cant even pertect myself frome me
what good am i realy…
when i can only be strong for others but me… how can i be worth ennything to ennyone els if i dont feel i have worth
hey dont feel worthless. YOU are NOT WORTHLESS! and i know how it feels to make the scars want to stay, i struggle with that everyday, it doesnt make you insane. and you are stronger then you think you are. i know this. and you are good because its easier in my opinion to be stronger for others. sometimes i have my friends come with me when i drive just so i wont get into an “accident”, i couldnt hurt them, but that doesnt make me crazy, it doesnt make me worthless, it doesnt make you worthless. by being strong for others i know that someday i will be able to be strong for myself. and i know you can to. you have made it so far. feb was 3 months ago. thats AMAZING! YOU’RE NOT WORTHLESS. Please remember that! 🙂
the fact that u’ve stopped for 3 months says a lot, and i just love looking at my scars all the time, they somehow make me feel a little better, and wanting them to stay is understandable, i like my scars and hate them at the same time. i kno a couple people who want theirs to stay too. I havent been able to stop S.I. for longe than 4 to 5 weeks….sooo keep up the good work!! i kno can do it!!!