My dad began to scream at me earlier for not sending my sister the bit of money I owe her. I had it ready for her when she was in town and she stood me up and didn’t meet me to get it. I do realize I still should have sent it to her, but I had made the effort before and now it’s a bit tougher. Anyway, to make an extremely long story short he called me “that thing”, “stupid b****”, and said I was tearing the entire house and family apart. To top it off he said that depression doens’t really exist, it’s just an excuse to lounge around all day and feel sorry for yourself.
I just want to run away from it all. Even my daughter, and that makes me feel worse. I love her to death, but I can’t possibly stay here, and she would be so much safer here than with me at the moment. I injured when I finally got away. Why do I enjoy it so much? My suicide number was 6 but it lessened when I injured, and that may have been what made me injure so much. My parents don’t believe that depression is an actual issue. They do, but they don’t believe it is chemical and just think it is mental and about your attitude.
You need to talk to someone find a therapist because you need to talk to someone its only going to continually hurt you and your daughter! Move out of your parents house find a job and move out save yourself and even more importantly save your daughter! You love the feeling of bodily fluids because it releases everything makes u concentrate on something else.
wow that sucks….
In hindsight it all seems a bit ridiculous, but I keep asking them to go and speak with my counselor. She really wants to talk to my parents since my family pushes me down even further and thinks it will help. The only problem is they keep putting off calling. It’s been around a month since I first suggested it and have suggested it three times a week since then but they still haven’t called. I feel like they don’t really care..
I’m desperately trying to move out, but I’m not able to work much n ow since the hospital doesn’t have enough hours. I’m looking for a second job while I have day care and everything, but no one is hiring. I’m afraid that it’ll be hard to hide the injuries on my arms while I’m working somewhere else…at the hospital I wear long sleeved shirts under my scrubs, but somewhere else might have a uniform with short sleeves.