first time posting here…so this has been an ongoing thing for some time now. im back in therapy for the second time, different person. not for doing what i do but for other things i guess. but talking about these things makes me want to do it more…and i have been doing it more. my dirty little secret and then some. the shame is intense. however doing this is slowly becoming enough. its not enough to hurt. there needs to more. sometimes im afraid of what i might find. im scheduled for another session this week. but i become stricken with panic and can barely get my words out. time wasted. im sinking and its dark.
your therapist doesn’t know about your self-injury? if not i would definitely recommend telling him or her. they won’t judge you. this is something that definitely needs to be addressed in therapy so that your therapist can better help you. they would not want to lead you somewhere not knowing that it might end with you hurting yourself.
she knows. i just started. today will be like the 4th session. ive gone before but its like starting all over again. hard to get things out i guess. if they ask are you going to harm yourself, i always say no. when its the opposite sometimes…i dont know…
I know how you feel. I too have trouble opening up to my therapist. He knows I S.I. though. I find it so difficult to trust in him, and I’ve even lied to him in the past. I don’t know why I’m so deceptive, and I know I’ll have to face the truth to get better. It’s just a very difficult thing for me to do. If you need any support at all email me eggplant_chan@yahoo.com.
~Kat~