long story short: my depression has been worse lately. i used the excuse to my mom that i just haven’t been feeling good. or that i feel sick. i’m not clear to her on what i am feeling, and she’s getting more upset that i’m not talking to her about why i am feeling sick and that i’m not letting her care about me. so, she’s taking me to a doctor. not like, a therapist, because she doesn’t know its depression. but like, a medical doctor. and i CANNOT go to the doctor! i’m freaking out. they’ll do a physical check up. ask me what i’m feeling. and if its the type of check up where i have to take my clothes off and wear a paper gown thing, and they have to look at me? what do i say about injuries? i don’t know what to do. i’m freaking out. and i had such a bad day i want to injure but now i don’t know where to injure where they won’t be able to see it.
i cannotttt go to the doctors and i tried telling my mom i don’t need to go and that i’m feeling fine but she’s so stubborn with what she thinks is right and she won’t let down. she never does. i want to run away. should i? i don’t know what else to do.
Hey-
I’m so sorry you are feeling the way you are. Do you think maybe the time is right to let someone know about this? It might be a relief for you to speak with mom prior to your doctor’s appointment. Maybe she will schedule an appointment with a therapist instead and you can begin working on alternative behaviors to SI. Although there will probably be some intense and uncomfortable conversation about it, the stress you are feeling due to the secrecy surrounding your SI behavior is stressful as well. I hope this helps.
First and foremost DO NOT RUN AWAY!!! THAT WILL ONLY MAKE THINGS WORSE!!! I don’t know much about you just from the post, but I will give the best help I can.
A) Going to the dr. sounds like exactly what you need to do. I can assure you I know exactly how hard it is to admit to someone what you have been doing. I don’t know how old you are, so I’m not sure how possible this would be, but maybe if you could get the dr, or a nurse, alone for a few minutes and explain very quickly to them what is going on, trust me it is much easier than telling your mom (if it makes you feel any better after 13 years, of which my mom has known about 11, she is still in denial). I strongly urge you to let them help you. Trust me when I say that it is only harder to quit the longer you wait. And it is VERY difficult to stop on your own (13 years!!).
B) If you are dead set on them NOT finding out (which I firmly do not agree with) the likelihood of them doing anything like that is slim to none. Just tell them you are having headaches or something so that they WON’T do a full physical.
Please, if you need to talk to someone, feel free to contact me. Annesmommy@aol.com.
I am willing to help however I can.
The worst thing you can do is injure yourself because of your injuring. Dont you see… its building up on you. Its just like an alcoholic, drinking because he is depressed from his addiction. As a recovered SI addict, i can tell you first hand that the day i told my parents was one of the best days of my life. not that very day, but in hindsight, it got me where i am today. the weight of the world was lifted of of my sholders. i got help. you can too. your mom isn’t gonna flip crap on you, i bet she, like my mother, will genuinely care. the first thing my mother did when she picked me up from school earily to go to the hospital was ask me if i wanted something to eat, and she took me to burger king. haha. You really see the best of people in the worst of times. you have a golden oppertunity to kill this demon that is controlling your life now. no, tell your mother. tell her, please. the best way sometimes is to write down everything you need to tell her in a note, and hand it to her. I really hope you get over this hump. May God truely bless your life.
someday you will be able to have tools in your room and never give them a 2nd thought. you need to take that first step. that first…small step.
I agree with everyone else. I think you should tell your mom. From what it sounds like, she cares about you enough to force you to go to the doctor. She’s obviously very worried about you. I know it’s scary but I think that afterward a lot of the burden pressing down on your chest will lift. You will feel so much better. God Bless.
-Kellie