long story short: my depression has been worse lately. i used the excuse to my mom that i just haven’t been feeling good. or that i feel sick. i’m not clear to her on what i am feeling, and she’s getting more upset that i’m not talking to her about why i am feeling sick and that i’m not letting her care about me. so, she’s taking me to a doctor. not like, a therapist, because she doesn’t know its depression. but like, a medical doctor. and i CANNOT go to the doctor! i’m freaking out. they’ll do a physical check up. ask me what i’m feeling. and if its the type of check up where i have to take my clothes off and wear a paper gown thing, and they have to look at me? what do i say about injuries? i don’t know what to do. i’m freaking out. and i had such a bad day i want to injure but now i don’t know where to injure where they won’t be able to see it.
i cannotttt go to the doctors and i tried telling my mom i don’t need to go and that i’m feeling fine but she’s so stubborn with what she thinks is right and she won’t let down. she never does. i want to run away. should i? i don’t know what else to do.