My best friend recently started hurting himself again. I was the one who got him to stop the first time. It really upsets me that he’s doing this to himself, partially because I’m the one he learned it from. He’d never heard about self injury until he met me, and now he’s doing it. My love for him is what helped me to stop for 7 months. I couldn’t bear to see the disappointment in his eyes whenever he found out what I had done.
Every time I see fresh injuries along his arms I can’t help but feel responsible. His pain is pain I’ve felt for a long time, but I can do nothing to stop it. I’ve recently started harming myself again. I can’t help but feel like a hypocrite whenever I encourage him to stop or get help, because I’m doing nothing for myself.
I’ve considered telling my parents and getting them to check me into an inpatient treatment center this summer, but I’m so scared. I know my stepdad would freak out, and I worry that I’d forever be branded the problem child and my younger siblings would find out and follow in my footsteps. I know I should do it and become a positive influence in his life, but I’m just so scared. I’m not sure whether choosing to get help is even what I want to do, I might just be doing it for him. I just don’t know what to do.