ok well im new at this and i dont even know if doing this is the right thing.

i’ve been injuring for over a year now and started mid 7th grade. my ex boyfriend was the first person to find out about me and it all went down hill from there. the longest i i ever stopped hurting myself was a little less than a month. i guess i only stopped because of him but i would never say i started injuring him. i never injure for one reason. most of my friends have found out  and i hate that. it makes me feel like i do it for attention which is the farthest reason for why i do this. they had mixed reactions so were scared some wanted to help. i really dont want help stopping somethign i love. i know its bad but seeing an injury, i dont know i just hate not seeign them.

later on i found out that soem of my new friends were injuring. some worse than me. and in 8th grade i found out that more of my friends started. i dotn think half of them are that bad but thats nto the point. i never want them to feel the way i do that a day where there isnt  new scar  wasnt deserved. my friends and my mom are the onyl reason i not still considering suicide. i love them too much and if i hurt them… i just dont want to think about it. its weird i’ve injured because of them too well maybe it was all becuase of me. i honestly dont know what to think of myself.

 none of my family knows and i’m so scared they are going to find out. not so much my family as my mom. my mom is really the only one i truely care about. my mom had a rough childhood too and when she had me she made it her life to never have her be the reason for me to even feel slightly like she did when she was my age. she had injured but those were suicide attemps when she was 17 and they didnt work. she only did it twice and doesnt really understand why people do it.

 i dont mean to be nagging but i have to get this out. i can talk to my friends but the one who injures dont want to stop right now or they dont think its possible. my other friends well they think if they check me i’ll stop. my ex still checks me. i’m afraid that we’re all goign to turn into injurers and then no one will be able to check us. i could talk to them but i want to know that somewhere beside my friends there are people who understand.