i havent si’d in ten days, and i dont know how much longer i can go. at night, i am plagued with thoughts of si. i dream about it every night. it’s scary to me. my scars are fading, but i kinda like them. they are a part of me and i want people to see them because people need to know about this. my therapist says i have depression and anxiety, but he doesnt think i need meds. my mom wants me on something especially because of the anxiety, and she never wanted me or my sister on pills before. she thought that if her kids weren’t on pills, that she was a good mom. she is a wonderful mom, even if i do get put on meds. but recently, life has totally hated me. the whole seventh grade thinks im an emo freak who injures herself in the bathroom! i didnt injure in the bathroom, but i have injured at school. i know too many people who injure, and they all want to be friends with me. they just make me want to injure more. two people dont talk to me anymore because of my si issues. one of them injures herself too! my mind turns everything i see into something sharp. i have therapy tomorrow, and i think my therapist wants me in group, the way he talks about my si. im just a twelve year old girl! i really dont need to be even more of a freak! i was always the smart, ugly freak. now, i’m the smart, ugly, emo freak! ten days feels like forever!!
liz is rite, ur not a freak, or ugly, or emo. i started wen i was ur age, and im almost 15 now and still cant go as long as u have without doing some form of SI. ur being really strong, and im in the same boat as liz, if u want my email, just ask (i dont have aim, but if u have gmail, we can chat).
if u need to be put on meds, its not a bad thing. im suffering from gad and ocd, and have been debating with my family whether or not medication would be rite for me, and i have been on many other medications for other things. if u do eventually get put on medications, its not a weakness or anything, it just means u have a chemical or hormonal imbalance, and the meds will help correct that.
good luck, and keep up the good work,
kitkat
Hey. You arent an ugly emo twelve year old freak. You are a very special beautiful girl. I know how it feels going ten days w/out SI. Its hard, before i never usto go one day w/out injuring myself. Ten days is amazing. You dont need to be on pills. I suffer from depression and have for a long time. Its something i deal with. When i feel like i want to injure myself i call a friend. This helps alot. I am on here everyday if you ever need anything just ask. You can make it you dont need to SI even if you feel like you need to. I also have aim if you want my screenname just ask. I can also give you my email address if you want. Stay safe and dont put yourself down you are an amazing girl trust me.
Liz
HI!! okay i commend you sooooOOO much for being able to stop urself from SI like that is amazing!! I wish sometimes i had that control. First of all you’re only in seventh grade and although middle school seems like the world its really not. People talk but whatevss don’t let that get u down!! You said you were smart and ugly but everyone is goofy in seventh grade lets be real!! haha. I’m a freshman in college and those “ugly” people are HOTT now!! also, keep up ur grades it will help you get into a good college and no one will know anything about you when u get there. No one will think of u as that emo SI girl!! Things always get better i promise!!
hi umm im 12 too and i SI but when ppl call me a freak i punch them usually…my mom says its *suppressed anger* but if u wanna talk (i wont tell u to SI)my e-mail is glittermonkey@comcast.net
First of all, I HATE it when people associate “emo” with SI because that is not always true — as it suggests self-injury is for attention (this is my opinion). I’m 25 and struggle with self-injury and I am anything but “emo”, never was in high school either.
In terms of group therapy, group therapy wouldn’t be something your therapist would have recommended if you couldn’t get something out of in the first place. It is a place where you can meet other people like us and you support each other and learn from each other there. Groups are not just thrown together groups of people, they are selected, as so not one person is harmful to another.
10 days is huge!! I am currently on day 70 from SI and I will admit everyday I go past my fragile 35 (that was the longest I had gone since starting recovery…) is frightening and a whole other long list of emotions. Remember that everyday you refrain from SI is another day you have “controlled” for a healthy way of coping.