so yea lapsis are fun stuf…. i had a school function and had to where long sleves the gym was dark so i rold them up and evry time i left i was shor to role them down and i was the DJ so i was able to keep kinda kool, i had trimmed my nales short i mean like realy short so i wouldent injure my slef in class enny more, and iv binn happy i even posted earlyer in the week how happy i was, but the earg keept comeing ant then that dam math class!!! im teribl at pre calc. and then my english class i was reading the shining and its a clasic but it got me thinking of a old boyfriend who lets just say wasent exactly nice to me… and well now i have to where the wonderfully sweltering longsleves agen!!! and then to night my boyfriend whent back to college and that was fine i went out with a friend and was having a grate time im happy or i was and i come home and my mothers yelling!!! shes just yelling!!! i didnt do ennything!!! its not even like my parence fight thay are one of those rare cupples who like stilll love eachother and never fight shes yelling at us the kids!!! shes acting all sarcastic and as if shes such a marter or something… and now my grate mood has ternd in to a i dont kare at all and i just want to make it so she might finly boleve that i dont chose to hert my self but that perhaps it realy is an adiction, im so tempted to sho her, so tempted to say stop look at me cant you see whats happening to me!!! what i am!!! im not sory that iv hert myself!!! im not im sory that it herts the people i love but not that it hert me!!! im ashamed of what iv become!!!! im ashamed that i have no self control!!!! im ashamed!!!! ashamed but not sorry!!! i just want her to see what happens how much i hert!!! iv told her im unhappy!!! iv tryed to explain!!!! iv tryed iv tryed!!!!! but she just thinks what she thinks!!!! why would i chose to live like this!!!! why wont she stop yelling!!! STOP STOP STOP!!!! I CANT TAKE THE YELLING AND THE GILT TRIP ENNY MORE JUST STOP!!!!! why cant i make her stop??? why cant she see me???? why dosent she understand????? why cant she just stop yelling??? plezz plezz why cant i stop the yelling???????
sory for this… i ges im just venting or something….. i know its kinda odd, im just upset i supose…. thanks for reading enny way
im so sorry babe, if u wanna talk more, u can email me if u still wanna talk.
im really sorry u had to go through all that stuff with ur boyfriend, and its good he’s out of ur life now, but im stull sorry u had to deal with him.
if u wanna show ur mum, dont show her in anger, show her when ur both calm and can deal with it.
if she tries to guilt trip u again, just walk away and tell her u cant take that, explain y, and try to make her see wat she’s doing to u (thats wat i try to do with my grandmother)
u cant stop the yelling but u can choose to ignore it and move on from all of it.
good luck with all of it, and u can email me to talk whenever u need to.
i’m so sorry. that’s alot to deal with and when it comes out of no where its even harder. its hard to get people who don’t understand to understand, especially when they are stubborn and stuck in their beliefs. yelling is hard for anyone to handle. i’ve got similar things to deal with at my house. i don’t know, if you ever need to talk i’m here. just send me an e-mail or im.