so yea lapsis are fun stuf…. i had a school function and had to where long sleves the gym was dark so i rold them up and evry time i left i was shor to role them down and i was the DJ so i was able to keep kinda kool, i had trimmed my nales short i mean like realy short so i wouldent injure my slef in class enny more, and iv binn happy i even posted earlyer in the week how happy i was, but the earg keept comeing ant then that dam math class!!! im teribl at pre calc. and then my english class i was reading the shining and its a clasic but it got me thinking of a old boyfriend who lets just say wasent exactly nice to me… and well now i have to where the wonderfully sweltering longsleves agen!!! and then to night my boyfriend whent back to college and that was fine i went out with a friend and was having a grate time im happy or i was and i come home and my mothers yelling!!! shes just yelling!!! i didnt do ennything!!! its not even like my parence fight thay are one of those rare cupples who like stilll love eachother and never fight shes yelling at us the kids!!! shes acting all sarcastic and as if shes such a marter or something… and now my grate mood has ternd in to a i dont kare at all and i just want to make it so she might finly boleve that i dont chose to hert my self but that perhaps it realy is an adiction, im so tempted to sho her, so tempted to say stop look at me cant you see whats happening to me!!! what i am!!! im not sory that iv hert myself!!! im not im sory that it herts the people i love but not that it hert me!!! im ashamed of what iv become!!!! im ashamed that i have no self control!!!! im ashamed!!!! ashamed but not sorry!!! i just want her to see what happens  how much i hert!!! iv told her im unhappy!!! iv tryed to explain!!!! iv tryed iv tryed!!!!! but she just thinks what she thinks!!!! why would i chose to live like this!!!! why wont she stop yelling!!! STOP STOP STOP!!!! I CANT TAKE THE YELLING AND THE GILT TRIP ENNY MORE JUST STOP!!!!! why cant i make her stop??? why cant she see me???? why dosent she understand????? why cant she just stop yelling??? plezz plezz why cant i stop the yelling???????

sory for this… i ges im just venting or something….. i know its kinda odd, im just upset i supose…. thanks for reading enny way