umm i dot what i’m doing here but i think this will be good for me.

I’m 15 and i’ve injured sense i was in the seventh grade. i never wanted to off myself i was just in a cold lonely cold place. i didn’t know that i had such supportive friends, i kept my injuring a secret for about 6 months but then my friend found out. she thought it was “cool” and i was so confused by that for a few months i was proud of my injuring then the hole school found out, i was mad fun of i got a nick name for it.  i remember one day i was comming out of the girls bathroom and this kid i was friends with(kinda?) came up behind me and said ” ashlee did you just get done injuring?” i wanted to cry i honestly wanted to hide and never come out. the worst part is that wasn’t the last time something like that had happened to me. this kid i really liked a lot a lot sent me a msg. that said “why don’t you go injure yourself you emo piece of s***” i was destroyed it killed me when i read that. i wanted to injure when i read that but i found some sense of pride in not injuring just to prove him wrong.i think thats what motivated me to get help. but i never got the chance to get help that day i was called to the nersis office. she sat me down and said”ashlee can you show me your arm?” i naturally said”why?” she just looked at me like she was disappointed in me i had never met her but yet she made me feel bad about myself=/

of course my parents didn’t hel’p when i got home they corrnerd me my mo has always had this magical power were she could make everything about her. she kept saying omg do you know how bad this makes me look? do you? i didnt talk to them for at lest a week they drove me to my therapist the next day. she was nice to me. one of the first people to not be mad at me to not have that look of pure disappointment.but i still didn’t talk to her, i never talked about injuring we talked about my life and then one day she said it.”Ashlee why do you think you injuring yourself” apparently i “shut down” as she called it i sat there and stared at the wall. she looked at me and then went to get my grandma who had brought me that day. she said”i just wanted you to see this. does she do this often?” i was hurt the one person i trusted just thew me to my family. i was mad at her. we never talked about it aftere that.

i have been in therapy for a little over a year now and i haven’t self injured sense then. well that kinda a lie i when on a very self destructive path a few months ago i started drinking smoking i considers injuring but then i remember just how much i hated feeling sad and left out and not having friends that i fixed myself. i stoped everything and got better once more=]

i guess the morel of my story is that yes life is bad and eys sometimes you need to get away but my advice is just get a way don’t do anything to harm anyone or thing just leave the situation alone don’t repress it or forget it but go out side calm down then come back and deel with it.don’t let people hurt you. know who you are and be proud of it and if you not proud do things to make yourself proud of yoursel=]]]