so this is my first time posting, and i really don’t know what to expect. my friend sent me the link, cause me and her are going through similar things. i’ve been injuring myself since i was in 10th grade. i’m 18 now and i’ve managed to hide it from my parents this long, along with a bunch of other things that would break their heart if they found out about. in their eyes im the “perfect” child. i’ve always gotten good grades and done the “right” thing, or at least as far as their concerned. i want to tell them, expecially since i freak out on them, mostly over something that they have no control over, or they are not involved in. i love them to death, and i don’t want to make them feel like they have failed as parents, but the guilt of me hiding such a big thing from them is overwhelming sometimes. when i freak out on them, and they ask me whats wrong, i dont want to lie, i want to roll up my sleeves and show them all that i have been hiding for so long. but i know thats not going to happen. i would hurt them too much. my sister knows, and she has told me that whatever is triggering it, its not worth it. most recently is my ex. i broke up with him because he was controlling and stubborn and not understanding of anything. i broke up with him, yet he still has power over me, if he says something, i feel obligated to do it, like the other night i was on the phone with him in a major fight, and i told him that i had to go after about an hour and a half of yelling because i had made plans with my friends. he responded that i had told him that i would talk to him and how dare me even think of making plans with my friends, and that i had to stay on the phone with him and talk with him, and listen to him tell me how messed up of a person i was. the most messed up thing was that i actually listened. i cried hysterically in the hall of my friends house, and listened, and fought with him that this wasn’t the real him, and that he was truly a good person, he was not the person for me, but he was still a good person. how messed up is that? idk, its confusing…. whatever….. i want to talk to somebody, but i don’t know how to go about doing it? i want to stop. i can’t deal with the anxiety anymore, and i can’t deal with the ways that i’m handling it anymore, cause they just cause me more anxiety and its a never ending loop… that needs to break…