OK, so after one major relapse back on New Year’s Eve, which I now realize I did on purpose because of my fear of getting well, I have 64 days “clean” of self-injury. Whereas before that number would have scared me, made me feel sad about leaving self-injury behind, I feel excited. I’m becoming a new person. I no longer have to have my identity wrapped up in being “the sick one.” One of my greatest fears when I graduated SAFE was that I wouldn’t be anybody without the self-injury. I was afraid that it had become such a part of me that I would have no personality without it. That fear stayed with me for awhile, and still creeps up every now and then, but wow, I’m finding a personality I never knew I had. I actually have hobbies. I have interesting things to say. I have strength. I have kindness to offer to others. Once I got stopped giving in to the urges to self-injure (in any fashion) I found who I was meant to be all along. My point in all this isn’t to brag about what a great person I am, because that is not true. But I am a normal, imperfect being who isn’t too bad after all. And I just want to celebrate that feeling with people who might understand what an accomplishment this is for me. I hope I can offer encouragement to others who have completed the program and may have some of the same fears and anxieties that I had/am still having at times.
Thanks for listening!