for about a couple of days now I wanted to injure so bad. But i promise myself that i will not go buy a tool. But the urges are getting so strong to go to the store and get one. I cry out loud sometime and that help because I can release the pain that I’m feeling but when I hold back my tears an do a silent cry within,(that’s all the time) that is the one that knocks me off my feet. It’s like no one is there listening, I’m in a zone of my own or that I can’t cry no more, I’m at my breaking point and I need to injure. I been looking for my tool in my house for a couple of days now, and no luck. My friend put it somewhere and want tell me where, I’m mad as heck because I want it and i need it. But the thing is, I’m not mad at her because, she trying to be there and help me through this. When i have the urges I can call her and she will pick up or when she is around and the urges come up she say lets talk about but it don’t work all the time because I’m so over whelmed all ready that I don’t know how to relax any other way but  by injuring or express my self.  Maybe when I’m at that point to where I’m screaming inside will I pick up any sharp object and injure. Is my injuring going to a new level of harm?