Alright, I posted this morning that it was my first day on this blog, and then I headed off to school. I got made fun of by almost everyone in all of my classes, and I came home and injured. What should I do first to help my problem with my injuring?
First of all, it’s NOT easy to quit cutting! If we make it sound easy we are fooling you big time! It is the hard path, but the path that will lead you to the best life. I’m sorry you’ve got stupid people at school making fun of you. That sucks, and would make me feel like cutting, too. You are not alone…I’m glad you can come here…we accept you and think you are awesome just as you are. I think it’s awesome that you want to join us on the journey to not self-injure, and I’d love to give you support and have your support along the way. You are a person who deserves to live a good life, free from self-harm. There is enough pain in the world that you have to experience, you don’t need to add more to yourself!
Can you ask your parents if you can see a counselor? Finding someone to talk to who understands cutting is really important. Sometimes it can be hard to find a good counselor, but they’re out there. There’s also the S.A.F.E. Alternatives inpatient program which I hear is wonderful. And I personally love Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)…it’s aimed at people who self-harm, too, and they have different groups for teenagers and adults. See what resources are available in your area. A school counselor might be able to help with that, but he/she might also tell your parents and make a big deal out of everything, and set a lot of things in motion…so be prepared in case that happens.
Thank you soo much for replying to my blog, Is their any way I can find a counselor on the internet that is around me? Also do I have to Pay to go their? and the last question I have, is .. Is their any way that I can setup an appointment on my cell phone, where they pick me up and take me to somewhere safe to talk. I live in Westport, MA its 50 miles south of boston, so it’s hard to find a good counselor.
My guidance counselor at school tells my parents everything. I need someone who could pick me up, give me advice, and drop me back off so my parents won’t find out.
Thanks for your support so much – Chad
Yeah, there has got to be a way…let me think and look around the web some and then get back to you…what grade are you in? When do you turn 18? That will help a lot…then you’ll be able to get any services, and you’ll qualify for aide and stuff, and your parents don’t need to know.
I am currently 14 and I am a freshman so yeh…
Oh man! I don’t know why I was thinking you were 17! This is gonna be tricky.
First of all, I’m so glad you want help now. I was 14 when I started injuring…I didn’t get help until I was in college…now I’m 30 and still struggling with these issues! So you’re doing the smart thing to get help now!!
That said, it is gonna be harder for you to get help than it is for me…you’re probably gonna have to tell your parents. And if they’re like most parents they’re gonna freak out and either blame you or ignore you. Why do parents react this way? I don’t know. I think they get overwhelmed with fear and guilt.
But you’ve got to make them understand how important it is for you to find a therapist to talk to. Use me as an example…you don’t want to be 30 and trying to raise a kid, and still injuring yourself! I have trouble holding down a job b/c people don’t want someone who injures working for them.
Try to explain to your parents that it’s not their fault (even though they might be partially responsible), and that people start injuring because they don’t know how to express their emotions. Say you need a counselor to teach you how to do something else instead.
Explain that SI is very addictive…like drug use. It releases endorphines that give you a natural high. Thus, you want to SI more and more. Soon, every time you have a trigger (a negative feeling, see a tool, etc.) you think about SI. That’s why I’m 30 and still struggling! The more you do it the more you want to do it.
There are books you can buy that explain all this stuff…”Bodily Harm” is the one that the S.A.F.E. people use. It talks about self-harm, why people do it, and also has a section about how to stop. The DBT people use a workbook called “The Skills Training Manual for Treating Borderline Personality Disorder.” You don’t have to have BPD to get something out of DBT. The skills that DBT teaches are awesome and have saved my life and made it so I pretty much don’t self-harm anymore. There are also various other books on SI in the self-help section at the bookstore.
I would read up on it, and then approach your parents. Maybe even give them a book to read about it. Tell them you’re struggling, it’s not their fault, but you really need to see a counselor.
And we’ll do the research to find a counselor in your area who deals with this issue so you have a name and number all set when you approach your parents.
Do you think that might work at all?
I can’t tell my parents, I don’t have the guts.. Like I have alread tried before, and I choke, and I can’t say anything or take off my sweatshirt.
My thought was to keep cutting until I am 18 and then go, or 16 when i get my license. Also, where can I cut myself where my parents or anyone wont find out?
O.k. I’m not gonna help you identify secret places to cut yourself! 🙂 You’re smart enough to think of those for yourself…and you’re also smart enough to know that I want you to NOT cut anymore!
Cutting till you are 18, and then getting help?? Bad idea!! Like I said…it only gets worse. More addictive, more red marks and scars to hide, more secrets, more isolation, more pain and suffering. Cutting leads to no good.
It makes total sense that you choke when trying to tell your parents. This is something so hard to talk about, and it’s such a taboo subject. But I gotta tell you…you are worth it!!
Getting you help is more important than anything else right now…including your parents feelings, and even your own fears about telling them. It is the hardest step you’ll have to take, but it will start you on the road to healing. Even if you didn’t tell them directly. Even if you left out the book and then when they were like, “What the heck is this?” you just lifted your sleeve and showed them your arm…” Or maybe you could write it out and give it to them in a letter and not be there when they read it. That way you don’t have to see their first reaction.
I know there is a ton of fear and shame around telling your parents. I finally told my parents, and they said, “How could you be so stupid? It’s just a game, right? Never do it again!” So of course I never told them again! But I so wish my 15 yr. old self had been strong enough to stand up to them and say, “No, I need help! Let me see a counselor! It’s not a game! It’s not for attention! Get me help now!” But I was overcome by the fear and shame.
I want to send you some courage through the computer…I want there to be a way for you to get the help you need…
At least promise me that you’ll buy the “Bodily Harm” book and keep coming to this blog. And that you’ll keep thinking about maybe telling your parents sometime in the future.
I will try to buy Bodily Harm, and I promise I will stay on this blog. Telling my parents, Im not so sure. That might be a few years from now.
I’ll take it for now.
I am just going to talk on here and use this as a counseling place. I thought about it, and They really can’t take that, I would disappoint them horribly. Thank you sooo much for helping me snoopyfan, I’ll be posting everyday, or whenever I can.
You’re a good person, Chad!
Hope school goes better for you today…know we’re thinking about you and cheering you on!