I just wanted to check in. I was really struggling last night b/c I was hit with a lot of bad news yesterday. It turns out that I have an STD from when I was raped back in December. That just burns me up. And I also found out my 3 yr. old son needs surgery for the second time…
I wanted to curl up and die. I wanted to injure. I wanted to be destructive. And then my son decided to poop on the floor!!! Then I wanted to hurt him!!!
What I did instead of self-harm and other-harm: I took my son to a friends house. I went to Target and tried on clothes (Who would have guessed Target has cute clothes?!). I picked up my son, left him with my husband, curled up in bed, watched a DVD, and ate an ice cream float for dinner. And then we had friends over last night, and I moaned to them about how my life is so terrible, and they surrounded me with love and understanding. Then I went to bed and slept 10 hrs. straight.
And what do you know…I feel o.k. today!! I wouldn’t say I feel good…but I’m not thinking about S.I.!!
And thank God for this blog!!