not sure why i am here other than i need someone who understands and can offer support. I have had major impulses all day and all i can think about is self harm. I long for relief from this pain that I feel inside. I have been having nightmares and flashbacks and I seem to get out of control when those things happen. I know that self injury isn’t the answer, but i feel so lost without it. I want to share with my partner what is going on but I often feel rejected by her when the topic of self injury comes up. She doesn’t understand it, and then makes it about her. I am just rambling, trying to make sense out of my thoughts. I want to just injure and am trying so hard not to do it. I am a social worker and feel often that I should just be over this already, but I fight the battle every day. I want my therapist to know how bad I am feeling, but I am often unable to communicate what I am feeling to her. The nightmares are bad and the flashbacks are so real. I can feel the abuse all over again and it makes me just freaking insane. I don’t know how to get through these times safely…well i guess i do, but it is so hard. I feel like a child at this point and just want someone to hold me and take care of me…longing for comfort.
Hey welcome to the board. I know how it is to have nightmares. I was sexuallly abused when i was younger and i have nightmares and flashbacks some of the time. Its hard for others to understand you i have a hard time talking with my mom about it she doesnt understand and so i usually get yelled at or ignored. If your partner makes you feel rejected tell her. I know it can be hard to do this but maybe if you explain to her how you feel and why you feel this way. Maybe she will understand maybe not just a suggestion. I dont know if you are spiritual or not but for me i pray alot through the times i feel like that. And when i have been having nightmares i pray for God to protect me and my room from letting those things in and i end up having a peacful nights sleep. Im not trying to press anything upon you this is just what i have done.
As for telling your therapist Im not sire if you are a guy but my boyfriend has trouble communicating to me how he is feeling and what is going on im not totally sure but i think its a guy thing. Just try and figure out what is going through your mind whether its feeling sad or upset i dont know. I am one to stuff my feelings. But when i started dating my boyfriend i could tell him everything and explain perfectly how i was feeling and now that we are kind of taking a break i dont have anyone to tell and dont know how to share my feelings anymore. I just stuff them again.
Anyways i hope these things help. Please keep posting we love to hear how things go for you. Best wishes.
Liz
You are a social worker, and you are always taking care of other people. You are probably your own worst enemy, too. You have internalized negative messages from your abuser(s), and they come up again when you have flashbacks and nightmares. You need love and care…someone to hold you and love you, comfort you and heal you. If you don’t have another physical person to do this then you’ll have to do it for yourself in whatever way you can…reach out to a higher power, and look within yourself and love yourself. Blessings.