dont you hate it when the person that you really really like, doesnt even know it. they know you like them but they just dont pay attention to it. well, i hate it. i guess its just because i know what it is like to like someone that doesnt give a crap abnout you or your feelings. they get mad when others hurt yuou but they dont even realize that they are one of those people. will they ever get it? i dont think they will. someone could walk up to them and tell them that they are one of those people who i spill my heart out to, and they just dont give a crap. sometimes they ignore it acting like they “didnt hear me” or “dont know what im talkin about.” they dont even realize that they are hurting me more than others. more then the people that they got mad at for hurting me, they dont even realize that they hurt me worse then those people. im not sure if i will ever get it. im afraid that they will never open there eyes. i mean, they want to go out with all my friends. everytime i introduce the person im talking about, they always end up making out with my friends. the person just started making out an im proud of her, dont get me wrong i really am. but i wish that it didnt have to be with my friends, in front of me, in my room. its stupid. i hate this. i tell the person that i dont care because this person is my best friend. i would never trade this person for anybody else, but sometimes i think that she wouldnt trade me, just because they like my friends.

 i mean, i dont know wha tto do. i have talked to her abnout this before but i dont know wha tto do to make her listen. i cant make her listen. shes just as stubbourn as i am. i hope that one day she will realize it, but hope that they day she does isnt the day tht im laying in my death bed. because sometimes i think that nobody knows exactly how good they have it until it is truly gone. and the only way to truly lose someone is if they die.

i have almosty died so many times, that you think the person would notice. but i guess its never enough because fo rsome reason god wants me alive. he wants me to live. i dont know if he is telling me that i will find someone else and that i will get over this person and that i dont need to suffer, or if hes teling me that i need to try harder to die. i know that god is a good person and wants everyone to be happy. but i dont think that he gets it. i want to die. i would be happier dead then alive. it is hurting worse to be alive.

maybe by then the person would realize what they could have had. i could have treated this person better than anyone else.