so im kinda new to all of this so plz forgive me if i do something stupid.

so my life story,

my mom is from central america she moved to the u.s.a. looking for a better life away from the war tht surrounded her dad left us when i was five days old. he was a drug addict.

my mom raised me.

she was an amazing mom! a strong loyal mom.

when she got stressed she would take out her anger on me. she would slap me, hit me, call me the worst names imaginable. i wouldnt blame her for it, i would blame myself tht it was all me and tht i was a horible person. tht went on for a 5 or six years and then she stopped, cause she met this really really nice guy, who soon them became her boy friend.

slowly he began to be way way to friendly, and my mom trusted him. my mom would ask him to babysit me while he went to work, this was at about age 9 almost 10. so he would come over and we would watch tv he would be lying on the couch, and me on the grownd. he began to give me “massages”, yet slowly he would begin to abuse me… he said tht it was all ok and tht he wasnt doing anything wrong and tht people got paid to do what he was doing. i thought of a massage therapist but he wasnt thinking tht. he said he would pay me 20 dollers.  i would scream and run away but he would run after me and smack me to the grownd. this happened over and over again yet it began to get worse and worse cause he would forcfuly grab me against my own will and abuse my nine year old body and i cryed and screamed.

after two years of this nonsense my mom began to notice bruises along my body. she asked me several times what they were from and i would tell her tht they were friends and i just messing around. i was scared to tell the truth to her, i thought tht if i were to tell the truth the guy would get my mom in trouble and get her sent back to her country, and i then would have to go to a foster home. by age twelve i was more than terrifyed of this creep, i began to eat less, and less. i thought tht if i got skinnier i would die and wouldnt have to live here with them. so i started eating less and less, i was begining to go anorexic. my mom took me to the dr a cuppl of times cause i would pass out. finaly i got therpy and i confessed of what my moms boyfriend was doing to me.

He was put in jail. the thoughts of all of this haunt me still to this day, yet im no longer anorexic

i cant really say thtt i trust my mom at all, cause she was never there when i needed her, it seemed. i get easily hurt by mom and am horrible twards her, each time we argue about something, i have flashbacks it seems. flash backs of her leaving me alone with tht creep.

im now gotten myself into another habbit and need help to get out of it. i started injuring! . it temporarily takes away the hurt of the past and makes me think of the future. its the only thing thts been helping me go threw with life.the stingging makes my surroundings so nubm. yet i know its bad, some how, i just dont get how…plz help. i dont want to hurt anyone else.

i dont wanna hurt any of my friends and family. i guess im now taking out my anger on my self rather with them.