I tried. I honestly tried not to hurt myself tonight. I took a bath. I called a friend. I listened to the sound of her voice. But somehow it just wasn’t enough. I still had to do it. Not bad at all. But still. I did it. And I wish I hadn’t. I don’t know why sometimes I can control my urges but other times I just can’t. It’s so hard now because I know it’s not good for me. I am trying to quit it all together. Yes, it provides me with temporary relief from the exausting amount of anxiety and pain that I feel on a day to day basis, but it is a quick fix. I need to do it again and again. It’s like a drug for me. It always does the trick but only for a while. It hurts my family. I have to try to hide it now since I told them I have stopped. Please, someone, tell me you UNDERSTAND.
I understand, and anyone who does the same thing knows how you feel. I am also trying very hard to quit, but sometimes I just feel like I have no control over it. I have actually been doin pretty good,and you will too. Just take it one day at a time. Make every day the day you say you can stop doing it, and believe in yourself.
i totally understand. i’ve been S.I for 2 years now im now 14. my friends and family were so disappointed with me, that i was kicked out of my house for the night. i try to hide my wounds when i i do them i try so hard not to do it over, but i somehow do. i don’t want to hurt those i love, not at all. yet it helps for me to think of those all who love me, and y. keep strong.
Of course we understand! Everyone here, completely understands. Thats why we reach out for the support of others on this blog.
I S.I for more than 10 years, but now I’ve stopped for ten years. It does feel like an addiction at times. I could always tell what my intensions were by whether the urge felt like a “want” or a “need”. It was the “needs” that were the scariest and dangerous ones. I always used to find that the various interventions that we have been taught to use were only most effective on the “wants”. Ultimately, what worked for me was to completely exhaust myself so that sleep would finally take hold and the next day I could keep going. Everyone eventually finds a SAFE outlet to vent their anxiety, fear, and negative energy. I’d always try to hold it together until everyone had gone to bed, and sneak out and run until I would collapse and crawl home again. Sometimes I would be gone for hours. It had its own risks of course…young female running alone after midnight, bad neighbourhood… but for me it was outweighed by the positives. It provided distraction from my need to SI. It exhausted the negative energy that seemed to be burning within me. I’d survive another night without injury! I’d get the endorphins (runner’s high) afterward and feel good finally! (For a short time anyway)
In time, after many months of this, I found that I could think clearer after running about 15 minutes. It would actually feel that the fog in my mind would clear. Gradually, I realized that this new intervention was my key to success. Now, everyone is different, and not all things work for everyone, so I encourage you to keep looking for your key and it will unlock your safe and healthy future. You are strong, and you do have worth.