I am not sure how to begin.  It pains me to even have to post this.  However, it is not a sign of weakness that one asks for help (or so I have been told….)

All has been well since I came home from SAFE in November.  There have been many obstacles and challenges.  I met them all with vigor.  I had made concrete plans while at SAFE on how to deal with my life when I returned.

I am still working towards my goals.  However, right now, at this moment, I feel desperation like I have not felt in months.  A seering, piercing, burning desperation ravaging my body and soul.

 I don’t really know where it came from.  Well, that’s is not entirely true.  I have had some compliance issues with my meds (although, it REALLY wasn’t my fault… I ran out of meds while waiting for weeks on my mail order meds).  And I received an email from my ex earlier in the evening.  So, that probably has a bit to do with it.  I am a bit ‘unbalanced’ as is, due to the med issue, and then toss in an emotion monkey wrench.

Things have been going really well.  I mean, not fantastic, but well enough.  Normal.  But right now, I just don’t know.  And I don’t know why it is that I don’t know.

I am sorry for even posting this.  Hope that this message finds everyone healthy and SAFE.

January sucks.