I’m new here.  And i just want to say how much i wish SAFE was somewhere closer to where i live in Rhode Island.  Or that I had someone who would take my two children for 30 days so i could get into the program to begin with because I am willing to travel if thats what it takes.
After self injuring for 11 years with only stopping for months at a time in most instances, I need to find a better way.  I’ve been through a week long day program at Butler Hospital in rhode island ( it’s not bad but its not enough ).  Ive been inpatient, outpatient, had psychiatrists and counselors, therapists and nurse practitioners, tried all kinds of different medications that i eventually go off of for various reasons.  I never follow through.  My depression goes in cycles and im fine for awhile then i hit another cycle and everything unravels and I dont know how to cope.  11 years is a long time to be this way . . . and i dont like it. 
I even read the breakthrough healing program for self injurers that basicly outlines the course.  I did most of the work in it when i was in one of my stable periods, had my toolbox and i was good for awhile.  But i hit another cycle and i put the book i was writing in away and the book itself i put on the shelf with all my other self help books.  I just feel like i should be able to do this on my own.  Shouldn’t I?
And now that I’m a single mother with two little boys there’s so much more at stake.  And every time i hit another cycle im quick to catch it and get to my primary doctor right away.  But without consistent help with a therapist i trust i seem to keep falling back again.  Worried i could loose my kids for seeking treatment.  And without their father in the picture and with so few relatives who could really help out especially for so long i dont know what else i can do except try again . . . try again to stop myself for as long as I can.  If only it were forever. . .