Hi everybody. I am new to this. Well first i will start by introducing myself. My name is Emily, And i am 13 years old. I recently started injuring myself whenever i would get mad or depressed. I am going through a lot right now and times are hard. I am a diabetic i have been for 2 years. That is part of the reason of why i am getting so mad… i am tired of taking shots day by day, it gets really tiring. Also, one of the worse things out there but occurs the most is “gossip” between all the kids and teens at school. What i thought to be one of my “good friends” just happend to be the one starting rumors about me at school. There was an 8th grade girl and i told my friend that she was pretty but that was all. In about no less than a week, people were looking at me weird and i didnt know what the reason for that was. Well turns out my friend told everyone that i was a *flat out lesbein* not true at all!!!! Rumors are very hurtful and sometimes the ones that you have held close are the ones that keep hurting you. Next, My brother means the world to me and he has a girlfriend that he deeply cares about and really loves. I miss him like crazy and i try to tell him that but he doesnt believe me. The other day i was talking to my mom about it and all i could do was cry. I miss him so much, i barly see him anymore. All people around me know me as the “Emo chick” well, people just lable people to fit in that is how i look at it. I usually write songs to get my feelings out but sometimes thats not enough. All around school i didnt relise i was the one hurting my friends also. They would see me SI, so they would start injuring also. I hate the thought that i am doing that to them… so once again i would take it out on myself, When the solution should have been stopping and telling my friends to stop the moment they started instead of letting the ones i love continue to hurt themselves because of MY stupid mistakes. I want to stop. And there seems to be no other solution but to injure myself when i am angry, but i am going to find one and face this. I will do it for the ones i love and the ones who love me! Thanks for reading my story. ~Emily
What you are going through is very heart breaking to me. Believe it or not, you are not the only one out there that does that. I can’t quite understand why the younger generation today does that but it is certainly happening. My daughter is a cutter to and I have been going through absolute hell with her. She doesn’t like to do it because she says that it hurts all of us around her but she continues. This is what I have learned and what I know and I hope that you take what I write and think deeply about it. I believe that this world is loosing sight in Jesus and in what YOU can achieve (stop cutting)by believing in him and asking him to help you. The process NEEDS to start with YOU!! I believe the younger generation as yourself revolve around more and more violence,anger,and hurt these days and less focus on Jesus, who can and will help you. I believe it is a result of less Jesus in your life and more and more anger and violence that you chilren see and hear. it turns you children do harmful things to yourself because you feel that is the only way that you can deal with it and not reflect pain on someone else. What you don’t realize is that you are! I sat there and evaluted my daughters situation. She seems to almost sound as you describe yourself. My opinion dear is that if they are calling you “emo”, sit back and take a GOOD look at yourself. The way you dress, your attitude towards others, the people that you hang out with (not to mention their mentality), what you do in your past time. Take a good look at yourself!! I found that my daughter was hanging with people that made her feel bad, she dressed to be picked on, her attitude was nothing but I don’t care what they think or how they feel and always bored and nothing to do. You are very young and have sooo much life ahead of you. So what ever it is that you even think is making you unhappy try to avoid it and most importantly pull out a bible and read and ask for help through that because ultimately no one else can do it for you and you have to be the one to make that step in order to stop.
To Concernedparents:
I wanted to let you know that your post infuriated me beyond all reason. I have taken nearly 24 hours to contemplate my reply. I have learned that it is best not to ‘react’ to a situation or statement, but rather contemplate the solution.
First off, I want to congratulate you on your faith. My hats off to you. I am very happy that the thought of Jesus brings you peace and happiness. That is great.
I happen to believe that spirituality is a very personal experience that evolves throughout our lives.
However, that is where my congratulatory message ends. I agree with very little in your post. I particularly find it offensive that you recklessly group the ‘younger generation’ into some lost category where Jesus is dead (and never risen) and hopelessness abounds because of ‘their’ lack of faith and ‘their’ involvement in violence, anger,and hurt.
I have known many Christians with deeply rooted faith in God, who are injurers. Their faith (or the lack of it) has NOTHING, again, I repeat myself, NOTHING to do with their self injury.
Self injury is not a ‘new fad’ of the 21st century. It is not just teenagers and ‘girls’ who engage in self injury. Self injury has been with us throughout history and all time. People who self injure are now encountering a social climate where they can talk openly about their SI and seek help and support.
I find it abominable that you would suggest that an indivual injures because of their lack of faith in Jesus. I believe that that statement is in and of itself self-righteous, self-absorbed, narrowly-mindedly moralistic, and self-consumed. To believe that Christianity is the only way to ‘save’ oneself from SI is absurd. What if I were to say that your daughter was a self injurer because of her lack of faith in Allah, Haile Selassie, Brahma, Vishnu, Shiva, Buddha or any other diety that millions of other people aroung the world actively worship?
Blaming your daughter’s behavior (and that of the woman who posted) on the type of company she kept, the manner in which she dressed, and her attitude is ridiculous. Perhaps there is a deep-seeded emotional and psychological reason that your daughter seeks out ‘destruction’. Self injury is NOT the problem. It is the issues, feelings, emotions, losses we’ve experienced, overwhelming (if not compulsive thoughts) and a myriad of other factors that drive us to destroy our bodies (by SI, and other means). If we, as self-injurers, would ‘feel’ our emotions and work through our emotional baggage, we would have no need for a destructive, maladaptive coping skill that is immediately effective, but ultimately self-destructive in the end.
I am having a very difficult time deciding were to begin responding to this post.
I suppose I will start with the reaction that is easiest to express.
ZenSharonW:
I am impressed with how well you were able to react and articulate your response as my emotions are prohibiting me from responding so gracefully to such closed minded comments.
I consider myself spiritual but by no means religious and have used my individual beliefs and in some way lack of beliefs to cope in my own way. However, I believe the role of religion and spirituality in ones life is highly personal. To truly heal or learn to cope in a any manner one must become self-aware, and I believe that religious beliefs that are not examined can sometimes hinder this process. It is impossible to move on and become whole is you rely on others to tell you what to believe. It is possible that religion or beliefs can help someone but it must be a personal decision and requires reflection.
Now to what is truly important.
Emily:
I can relate only remotely to what you are going through. In relative terms I have been quite lucky in my life, a good family, and I have been generally healthy.
The stress of diabetes must be difficult, as being 13 can be difficult for anyone.
I can however, relate to being a depressed 13 year old, as it was about then that my self-injury began to escalate from the occasional infliction to something I was addicted too. I also understand how frustrating rumors can be especially when it’s from the mouths of friends. I remember dealing with similar situations, including lesbian and “goth chick”. I also understand how hard it is to feel like you are the cause of pain for others.
It’s wonderful that you are the kind of friend who wants to protect others, that says so much about you. However, as hard as it it, it is important that you take care of yourself.
I think it’s wonderful that you are a song writer. Even if it’s not enough, continue to write and share it with others. While it may not take all your pain away it’s a great outlet and I’m sure your songs are beautiful and would benefit others.
It’s also a huge step that you have found this site and posted. If you find it easier to share your feelings online that continue to do so. I know I often was so afraid to hurt those I loved that no one knew how much I hurt. It took me a long time to find the benefits of talking to other who were going through the same thing. Find a way to open up, whether it’s online or in person, whether with others who are dealing with diabetes, depression or self-injury, find someplace where you can be yourself and not be afraid of hurting others.
Also, as concerned and empathetic as you are, finding those to open up to and who are open with you may allow you to help others who are hurting as well. For me helping others helped me cope as it helped my fear and feelings that all I did was hurt those I loved. Helping others and being there for them can sometimes help.
I am not attempting to tell you that what helps me will be the answer for you. It is important to take time for yourself, think of anything that helps you, whether it’s writing, venting, running, listening to others problems, or anything else. Whatever it is remember to take time for it, as hard as it is, sometimes you need to put yourself first.
I am impressed by how articulate and self-aware you are. It is great that you know others love you, but don’t let the fear of hurting them put more stress upon you, sometimes that can make the need to self-injure even worse.
I wish you the most luck, my thoughts are with you.
hey Emily,
I’m 13 too and something tht really helps me with cutting is writing in a journal and writing poems and such to get out feel and yeah i saw tht you write songs and tht is really good. i kno tht is not enough but i’m wondering are you a Christian cuz tht mostly wut gets me through my problems is praying and reading my bible if you have any qustions jus ask