ok well, my name is shelby.
i’m 15.
i have been injuring for about 3 years and i dont WANT to stop, but i know that i NEED to stop.
I’ve hurt myself a lot.
I want to get help but I’m scared.
my mom found out once
and told me if she ever saw another injury on me she would send me away.
yeah great way of comforting me huh?
haha
but i can see how she would be mad.
but i never told her that SHE is part of the reason why i do it.
i SI when I’m stressed and mad.
it sounds sick, but i like SI.
i like the way it feels and the way the injuries look before they scar.
i dunno.
i have only told 2 people that i SI.
and i promised one of them that i stopped.
all the other people just think i USED to SI and that i dont anymore.
ok
well i’m out.
peace out homie g fresh like cheese
Hey i just thought i would leave you a comment. If you read this great. I posted here to min is called “My Story”. Anyways when i first started to injure myself i didn’t want to stop either and it was so hard on everyone around me that knew i was hurting myself. I loved injuring. It sounds so sick but it was amazing to watch. When i first met my boyfriend (now going on two and a half years) I wanted to stop for him because he would get so sad when i would tell him that i hurt myself. I have uncountable scars because they are overlaping and ya i just can’t count them. I have neede stitches several times and just did’t go because i was scared to tell anyone so now i have nasty looking scars. If you ever need to talk or just need anything post on here i will definetly be here to post back. Keep strong it gets hard but you can overcome self injury.
Liz
thanks liz.
i love injuring but i hate it too.
i love the bodily fluid.
i havent ever needed stitches but i dont injure deep.
so thats part sucks.
yeah lots of mine over lap.
but [this sounds super sick] i make a note of how many wounds i make and when and where i make them
hah.
im so weird.
You aren’t weird. When i first started cutting i had a notebook and would draw where i cut myself and also wrote how many and i would write the date down to. Keep posting chatting helps. I will continue to be here.
Liz
hah i feel weird.
i mean like, a couple of my friends have injured themselves.
but im really the only one that keeps doing it.
like they have injured once or twice, but me.
once i start i just keep going till im a mess.
and i talk to them and they are supportive and try to help me.
but its like, i know they are trying to help and make me stop, but NO ONE can make me stop.
UGH!!!
haha
why did you start injuring?
Well i was about eight or nine and my cousin sexually abused me then when i was twelve or thirteen my brothers best friend sexually abused me. Then when i was thirteen it all surfaced on day when i was angry and i had a tool set in my room and i just went away at my hand. Now when i get depressed or have nightmares of what happened to me and when i get depressed everything just compiles and i just lose it. Also when i get angry or stressed. Just last week on friday morning i injured the whole inside of my arm i’m not for sure how many there were but there was alot of bodily fluid and i walked into my bathroom to clean up and locked myself out of my room (i live on campus at my college) So as i am hurt i have to find a quick fix to stop it because i had to go to the front desk and have someone unlock my door. Oh boy that day was interesting. Ya in the past i have injured severely, but not every time like last friday. Why did you start injuring?
oh wow.
im sorry that happened to you when you were so young.
thats pretty messed up what they did.
did you ever tell anyone?
um i started cutting when i was about 11 i think…
like i wasnt cutting, but i had like scratches and stuff i would do.
then like when i got super stressed or super mad, to relieve it, i would cut and it all just went away.
it felt so….good. i guess.
and then i have been cutting ever since.
thats about 4 years now.
wow.
and i love the way the cuts look like before they scar and stuff.
i never show anyone, but i like to look at them.
so yeah.
and i cut when i get hecka sad.
but i do a GREAT job of hiding all of this.
everyone at school thinks im little miss perfect and only my really close friends know better.
and i cut a lot of the time because of my mom.
like she puts me down and stuff and i start believing it and then i feel worthless and like i dont have anything thing going for me so then i just cut away all of it.
Ya i told people eventually. I never told anyone about what my cousin until i met my boyfriend and i told him because i trusted him the most and about a year ago all of it came back and i had a freak out and lost it and told my mentor i didn’t go to school that day, it was to hard to face everyone because the pain i had inside showed on the outside and i didn’t want anyone to ask about what was wrong cuz i didn’t feel like telling anyone and i would have just got into trouble with the principal and all of those people. My mom treats me like that to it is getting better though cuz i told her how she was treating me and she got better but still has her days. It does feel good to cut cuz its like releasing all those feelings i totally know what you are saying.
i eventually told a few friends that i cut myself. the rest just found out. my mom found out. my dad. my sister. who else? i hate that i have to do it but i REALLY need to
Hey mcrpunk,
It’s good that they know because they can help you protect yourself. When my friends found out i was really upset but it was better for me because i probably wouldn’t have stopped also my boyfriend helped with my wanting to heal. It’s not healthy for your body when you cut yourself you allow a way for more germs to get into your body and cause infection. Sorry if i sound like a freak or demanding this is what i have been taught by one of my teachers in high school. Anyways keep posting let us know more about you we are all happy to listen and be here to give advice or have you help us also.
Liz
hey, this is sarah and i know exactly how you feel. i like to cut myself thought i should stop. my mum recently found out that i was cutting myself again and she freaked out, but then she calmed down, and i told her aboout how my doctor said it was ok if i cleaned everything and didnt cut to deep, cause he knew i was going to do it anyway. which he did. i guess the point of this long comment is to let you know i know how you feel, and you not alone and if you need to talk im here.
Hey
My name is Christi, didn’t know how to make a post so I thought I would just leave a comment hear. Probably sick of hearing this but i know how you feel. The only person who knows I cut is a friend of a friend who I talk to on instant messenger.(I know weird) Telling my parents is deffinatly not an option. My mom would flip and go into the “I’m such a bad parent!” like I need crap like that. So this place was a God send for me. If you need to talk talk to me or the other people on the board. We are all struggling with the same problems, it’s nice to know you’re not alone sometimes.
Hey shelby just wondering how you are doing. Wanted to see how things are.
Liz
Hi Shelby/Liz, I’m new here, but not new to SI. I have gotten better, but it took several years. I don’t know if this helps or not, but one of the reasons I SI’d was because I wanted all the “bad” to come out of me. Most of the time, I would just go numb and not even realize I was doing it (until after it was over). It took me a long time to realize that the “bad” in me was not really me at all, but people who had harrassed me about my SI and things that people had said to hurt me. It wasn’t my fault and I don’t think it is your fault either. But you have to forgive yourselves and you have to know that you are able to take care of yourselves and have a more normal life.
I was just like both of you with injuries all over my body and face. But I got better. Remember that it is your body and mind that needs to heal, so you don’t have to count the number of injuries. Even if your parents and friends don’t forgive you or they don’t understand, what’s important is that you forgive yourself.
If you want to talk, my profile has my contact info. Heather
How do you look at others’ profiles? I can’t figure this site out at all.
idk im not for sure either.
Liz
Hello. I’m looking for young lady who would be willing to share her story with Cosmopolitan magazine–this is not a joke or a hoax. Please e-mail me at jekatz@hearst.com
Thank you,
Jane
I thought I could look at other profiles when I wrote my response, but afterward I couldn’t figure it out either. I’m sorry about that…I’m still new at this.
Its ok i still dont know how to do it.
morethanbroken is me Emily Lorrin i have a problem w// everything… i want someone to talk…. please…
Hey morethanbroken. Sorry i havent been very observant the few days here. I am here everyday checking these posts. Keep posting i will be more than happy to talk with you.
Liz
hey shelby im amanda and i just found this site. in six days it will be two yrs since the last time i cut. now that doesnt mean it crosses my mind each day that i want to or just thinking about it. i want to do it believe me it makes me feel better. but i promised soo many ppl. its hard i kno but i believe you can do this with the help of friends u can stop. jus say exactly how 2 feel with someone u trust or even if u ever need to talk i will be here 2 talk as well. i kno it helped me a lot to talk after i stopped. i was actually thinking of sayin screw everyone and doin it tonite but i kno i can be stronger then that and im goin to try and believe that. so i beleive u ca 2. and my mom doesnt even kno i did it for 3 yrs she also doesnt kno shes part of the reason y i did it in the first place. i kno how u feel jus kno that theres ppl out here that can help and there ppl out there that think the way you do too ur not alone.
hm… hi i’ve been cutting since i was in 9th grade because of health problems.. i have tried to stop but i can’t. the only reasons ive tried stopping are because ive told someone and soo just to please them i try but it all doesnt last more than a month. im in 12 grade ryt now.. i live in a strict household and my mom hates the guy im “dating” and doesnt let me go out because i told her im dating him.. i am currently cutting(with anything pins, paperslips, pencils, nails) and i cant find any glass(which always helps ease thepain more cuz it cuts deeper faster)… so its making me more stressed and i started doing poorly in school.. and yea.. i hate my life