For every person that S.I. there usually are family memember(s) who needs support too. As many of you know groups for S.I are far and few, and groups for friends and families, run only on Blue Moons……If anyone knows of an online group for F&F let me know, and if I can help get a group going here, let me know how I can be of service. If this is a go, what do you want to name your group?…. Not to be left out, I am also extending this invitation to the S.I. Lets get a group going for you all too. Start thinking of a name. …….Lastly, as I mentioned in my very “first blog” I am new to this form of communication, so please bare with me as I crawl my way through learning this new language. I do read the posts daily, but for the life of me I am still rather clueless with the nuts and bolts side of blogging, but I am here for you all……Karen
Looking for support. Battling with self injury. I’m 35 years old live in Michigan.
22 year old female in Wisconsin.
~ending the secrecy of SI shame
~support for a safe journey to recovery
~Helping those to recover.
I really need a group, as here in my area, no one is dealing here in wisconsin apparently that need support. I feel alone, and this online group, would be a step closer to less isolation, as I am early in learning how to stop, I’ve been maybe a month and a half free, with no support as it gets really challenging at time.
so a group, I feel is needed
I would be very happy to form a group. I read this blog everday & it would help me. It’s really hard to find support. I truly wish I could go thru your program but this will be as close as I can get. Thank you for giving me some hope.
I agree with Deb 🙂
Let’s do it then. I need a place to turn for support in getting our 13 yr old daughter through this horrible illness. We only found out yesterday that she has been “cutting” since a former neighbor told her and showed her how to do it 4 years ago. To date it has “only” been scratchings on the side of her right wrist. We are in the process of seeking out professional help for all of us to get her past and through it. It’s a silent illness that no one wants or dares discuss. It’s like a dirty little secret. However, there is little information available. As friends and/or family we need to know what to watch for, ways to enhance the recovery, where to go for help, means to get financial support if insurance in unavailable, where are the treatment centers and what questions should we be asking to ensure our loved one is getting the best possible care for his/her particular case.
Since finding this out yesterday, we’ve had several long heart to heart conversations with our daughter. We adopted her at age 2-months from a foreign country. She says that has made her feel like she wasn’t wanted and is not “worthy” of family love. She says the cutting gives her a feeling of control on the outside that she does not feel on the inside. I can’t pretend to understand because I don’t live in her mind. But, I can assure you she is very loved by us as well as by her birth mother. It was a very difficult decision and in my heart I believe it to be the most selfless act imaginable. Her birth mom wanted her to have an education and chance for a better life. The b-mom knew she could not provide a life out of poverty and the cardboard shack their family of eight shared. We have always shared the circumstances of her adoption with her so she would understand the difficulties of her b-mom.
I apologize for rambling. I don’t know where to go with my thoughts and feelings about any of it. My husband and son (also adopted) are also feeling helpless. Where can we turn and who can we trust with our dear and very very worthy daughter? Thank you for listening.
Searching still…
Searching,
Its very hard as the cutter to come forward. I would guess, that feeling outsided already by being adopted, telling or talking about the cutting would be a fear of extending that further.
I hate the way it affects my family, parents, siblings, aunts and uncles. I hate what it’s done to me. It’s an addiction, and hard one to break. The control thing is true. The inside of us is just whirling around, and it’s scary! Im curently 22 and started when I was 16. It’s hard to change, hard to talk about, and hard to admit to the self about it all thats causing it. I wish you the very best, and if you have any questions feel free to ask.
Peace,
Missy
Dear Searching-
The fact that your acknowledging the problem & discussing it must be a help to your daughter. I had a Mom that never borrowed to get any help for me. I hope you can find the help that your family needs. I can tell you a lot of days a hug from a loved one is just what I feel I need. Try telling her adleast once a day you love her & give her a hug. While you need to focus on the problem maybe you could focus on a positive as well.
As for how to find help, if insurance is not available I would call your local health department or try that 411 hotline. We have that available in Michigan. It supposed to connect you with organizations that you might need. Also the school counselor might be a good resource. Keep searching & you’ll find someone to help!
And please don’t apologize for rambling, it helps to know others I fighting the same battle. I only hope that I can offer you support. Have you picked up any books on si? I was able to locate Bodily Harm at my local library maybe you could too. I bought a copy & am currently starting the writing assignments. Its helped me maybe it’d help you too.
Is there a way to reach any of you off the blog? We are in Michigan an perhaps we could even work together to start a meeting group.
I think an online support group would be extremely advantageous, as I too live in an isolate area. I too check this page everyday to see what is on everyone’s mind.
Ari
Well we could model the group after one of the groups in the program, maybe SAFE group? That is the group where we can talk about our anxiety levels. On a 1-20 scale rate how high your anxiety is (20 being high)and what brought you to that level, what is the feeling you are experiencing with your situation and how you can work through it; albeit talking with someone, making up a list of 5 alternatives, posting a non-triggering rant. And if people are willing maybe texting with others here in the group. I know for me just calling someone makes me more nervous, but texts are more of an informal why to carry on a conversation or even IM’ing. What does everyone think or were we going in the direction of a live moderated group?
Ari
Were do you live? I live in Chesterfield.
We are in Kalamazoo, Mi.
What is the next step to get this group up & running? Enough talk, the urgent need is well documented. Tell me & I will do it.
Terri
jageyes@gmail.com
What is the address for the no fear group? I tried to google it & nothing came up?
Hi guys-
How do you want to start up a group? I don’t think any of us live close enough to get together face to face. But maybe we could set a time & day and talk on line thru this blog. I feel very alone & could use the support. Maybe we should set up some rules. I wouldn’t want to share something that might upset some one. Karen do you have any suggestions?
yeah, whats the address for the no fear group, and
I like the iming group or something, i really would like to maybe even have a list of people and where as in state they may live, in hopes of maybe connecting with others in person. thats one thing I feel I need. I feel like I always need someone to talk to. kinda, haha.
Karen if you need a list of certain up to date, online lingo, let us know, Im sure some of us can help.
Such as
LOL = laughing out loud
LMFAO = laughing my F***ing a** off
ttyl = talk to you later
bbl = be back later
tk = take care
wb =welcome back and so on.
I know some new people, don’t know a lot about that stuff and feel very confussed, or worried about the schooling systems that are in place. LOL! 😀
But yes, a live moderated group would be a wonderful start, I don’t know much about the safe program, other than I want to take it when I have insurance, and find the courage, and see if there is one in illinois, or even the safe choice that I wanted to be apart of but geuss there isn’t one active right now.
so point…I need something, and soon!
Thanks
Peace to you all,
Missy
Hi everyone-
Has anyone checked out the no fear web site yet?
Where is everyone?? No new blogs today I was kinda bummed.
Searching–
I am also in the Kalamazoo area. This is all the info. I’ve found for our area. Try Pine Rest-Kalamazoo Clinic 1530 Nichols Rd. Kalamazoo (don’t have a phone number-nor am I familiar with them, but they do deal with self-injury). Also there is Kalamazoo County Mental Health Services http://www.kazoocmh.org/
Here is a great site for explanation and symptoms of depression in teens including self-injury: http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/mental_health/depression.html
I have also stumbled across a teen self-injury support group listed somewhere either on the web or in the yellow pages for Kalamazoo/Portage area. I can’t seem to find that info right now, but I am pretty sure Pine Rest would have that information if it is still active.
I hope that helps. I wish I could find more info for you.
kitterz
Gosh, I had a hard time logging in. Anyone else have that problem? It is probably just me. I’ve been hiding all day or rather sleeping. My aftercare plans from SAFE are not moving fast enough and I feel as if I am falling backwards into my depression. I need not for that to happen. I should be excited and cheerful like I was when I first returned home from SAFE almost 3 weeks ago. But nah, I’m going back to good ole bi-polar, moody me. I think I need to make it a point to post everyday. That will at least make me get to the computer, which by the way I was able to hookup to the printer downstairs, (pat, pat, for me.)Today is my 50th day SI free, a milestone? I’ll stop ranting now and hope someone else will post.
grrjock-
Yeah I had a hard time logging on too. I signed onto the no fear web site & somehow deleted this page from my favorites…it wasn’t easy to get it straightened around!! But worth it in the end. Thanks for posting something today. I was beginning to think everyone was gone. I’m sorry to hear your feeling down. 50 days thats a huge accomplishment, you should give your self alittle credit. I dream of the day when I can say that. You give me hope that someday I will. Keep your chin up & know that I’m thinking of you!
I don’t know whose job it is to make sure the site is up and running correctly, but I am having a hard time leaving a comment on this particular blog. It keeps telling me I’m not logged in.. Frustration. Anyway…Thank you Deb for thinking of me. i had a hard time sleeping last night. and now I am stuck here in the house all day. Iam starting a garden: and my little sprouts are doing so well. more later as I get more and more bored.
Gosh, so many people talking about the SAFE program, really makes me feel I should go. I don’t know, Im not insured right now, my job Ive been at for only 6 months. Im an athlete, and dont know if I could handle not working out, and the cost for out of pocket, might be a little much! ugh
missy.
ps. sorry I haven’t posted, I’ve been having a really tough time lately.
I wish I could go too! So I feel your pain.
I have been having an extremely hard time lately. I called the crisis line here and they were of some help. There is not much here in the way of resources, so I am out-of-luck most of the time. I hope things get better, I have been doing logs like crazy and it is helping somewhat. It was easier to do the logs and then talk about them in group, is it hard to do it alone. ugh.
Ari
Deb in Michigan, I to am from MIchigan and just graduated from SAFE in December of 2006. I am not still injury free but get up everyday trying. I have all of the wrting assignments and worksheets and logs that SAFE uses and would be happy to either meet with you or mail them to you so you could start using them. I still use my impulse logs and my negative thinking logs and my dilema logs but for some reason I just can’t seem to stay safe. Am I staying safer than before the program? ABSOLUTELY, but still struggle everyday. I found a group therapy SI group in Lanisng that meets on Thursday afternoons from 1:00 until 3:00 pm but haven’t yet decided if I will attend. I ran out of insurance benefits in February for all of 2007 for mental health so I prefer to use my money to attend my private therapy sessions. I have traded one behavior for another however, I left SAFE injury free but then developed an eating disorder and now am battling both things. It seems I can quit one but not the other so I bounce back and forth. Anyways I have all the materials SAFE uses and as I already stated I would be happy to meet with you to show you how to use them appropriately. The wrting assignments would have to be reviewed by your own therapist however as I am not able to read your personal situation and help you analyze why you are where you are and how you can try and move past that point. The writing assignments would give you and your therapist a starting point though as that is how my therapist and I are working with them. I would also suggest writing or journaling, when you record how you feel when you feel that eay and what may have casued the feelings you can help find patterns and then help stop the cycle. Feel free tocontact me if you want any further information.
Leisa
Charlotte, Michigan matrat518@sbcglobal.net
I also would be upo for an all Michigan online real time blog if that is something everyone is interested in doing. Let me know.
Leisa
they also, have the a charting log thing, in the book Bodily harm that I made and work on myself. I would love some of the stuff mailed to me. if thats okay. Today my therapist and I did a contract. I hope and believe I can do this!!! really!
thinking of everyone of you.
Missy
If you want me to mail you copies email me and send me your info so I can send it out to you.
Leisa
Hi guys! I hope everyones doing good & winning the battle! I had question to ask. I was wondering if anyone has tried any of the different products that are supposed to help scars? I see Maderma & some scar thrapy sheets? There pretty pricey so that’s why I wonder if anyone knows?? Thanks! Deb
I used the Maderma sheets years ago and I felt they did not do a thing for my scars. They are pricey and I would get another opinion, but I wouldn’t use it.
Ari
Thanks Ari I won’t waste my money ot time. The last two days have been horrible so instead of dealing with the scars I’ll be applying neosporin again. I hope tomorrow will be a better day. Deb.
Hi …
Reading how a number of you ‘wish they could go to SAFE’ saddens me. If you want to go . . .GO . . .do not misunderstand me, I am NOT a wealthy person . . . I finally paid off my treatment 4 years after my discharge . . try to focus on what yu CAN do and not on the reason’s it is difficult.
I know first hand how expensive it is – but how can you put a value to your health? YOU ARE WORTH IT.
When I began looking into going, my insurance REFUSED my admission . . I got on the phone called supervisors, had my psych doc write letters, . . . YOU are your best advocate don’t let other people say no to you . . get out there and get what you need! Do not accept their no for an answer . . . fight for your right to be safe and injury free. Remember there is no insurance company anxious and willing to pay out thousands for someone if they are not forced to do so . . . .our ‘condition’ is not as openly discussed as say alcohol or drugs, but it is easily as detrimental and we deserve treatment just like anyone else.
I guess I am a ‘bit’ concerned when I read that you will use the logs etc from the book . . .don’t get me wrong they WILL help, but the log itself is NOT a magical cure, it s the ENTIRE process of what SAFE does and they step by step process they take you through that makes what they do so valuable. SO, yes, read the book, yes, use the logs, but I would strongly encourage you to pursue the treatment. Don’t let others tell you if you don’t to receive treatment to be well . . . YOU DESERVE TO BE WELL
…how do you go about telling a little sister that you s.i. ? i mean i can’t be who she wants me to be and she still copies me about a few things as well…she some what looks up to me but i don’t want to hurt her….or worse ..i don’t want her to start doing it too…i keep telling her when ever she asks certain questions “i’ll tell you when you’re ready” but maybe it’s I’ll tell you when i’m ready” more then anything..i don’t know..i’m scared for her, for me, or what could happen if i do tell her…so how do you go about talking to her about it?
Maybe you should wait til you’ve over come & beat your urges to si. You need to concentrate on making your self better first & foremost.
No one has posted in a couple days, so I thought I would. I had a run in and out with the hospital this week, the docs in NJ don’t know the difference between wanting to Si and suicidal ideation, geez. No more run ins with the hospital people for me. It’ll be a hot day in hell before I trust them, the hotline and hospital again. This is the 2nd state I have run into this mindset. Anyone else still have this problem?
Hi akinney! Is your daughter an adult or adolescent? There is the SAFE Choice program in Naperville, IL thereis info about it on the regular website http://www.selfinjury.com If she is an adult there is the SAFE program in Texas that I highly recommend. from what I have heard the adolescent program is not open yet. If you want you can email me and I can let you know what I know.
Ari
I am looking for inpatient treatment in the Chicago area for my daughter, who has within the past few days seriously cut herself after years of cutting and is now hospitalized in a general psychiatric unit that is simply focused on stabilizing her. I would appreciate suggestions of programs, or providers, and either inpatient or outpatient care but especially, for the immediate future, inpatient treatment.
Hi!! I am new to this blog and am from Calgary Alberta Canada. I am looking for support in my addiction of injuring. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t think of injuring myself. I don’t think there are any support groups like AA meetings for this kind of addiction and I think there should be. Just getting the opportunity to talk to other injurers like myself is good. Until I looked on this website, I felt totally alone. Now it is clear that other people like myself have the same addiction.
Hi Slippery, this forum is a great way to be in contact with other self-injurers. Feel free to ask any questions or just share some of your insight. Personally I find all of the SAFE outlets, there is a yahoo forum group too, a comfort. To be able to converse with others makes me feel not so alone. Also if you want to email me I’d be happy to talk with you.
Hi akinny, Yes there is a program calle SAFE Alternatives(self abuse finally ends). The program is now located in Provena Medical Center in Aurora.
I am an alumni from SAFE. I found it extremely helpful–the staff is truly amazing and is there for each person. Its not always easy but its the best place to be if your daughter if she needs help with self injury or she cant stop.
Their website SafeAlernatives.com
Please feel free to email me if you like–Id be happy to talk to you!
hey there all, I just started this blogging and I was reading where people were asking for the NoFEAR web addy. Here it is, I copied it so I hope that it works.
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/NoFEAR-SAFE_Approved/
I hope that addy works for those looking for help on the web. I hope it’s ok that I posted that. Hmmm, anyways it’s a good group. Kind of what you make out of it though.
Catchya later eh
Hey all ,I’m new to this whole thing but anyway here is my story for anyone who is interested and could possibly give me some insight….
I just recently got back with my ex who is a cutter ,I haven’t seen her in ten years until just recently. we’ve been together about a month and things are going great for us. until last night she had a “bad night” …I’m completely understanding of her situation and need some advice on how I should deal with things in the future, because I love her to death and don’t want to lose her again. If anyone could give me some advice, it would be much appreciated….
thank you
hello, i also would like to mention that family of those who s.i. may have a misconnception what we do and why…we, and i know i need to work on this as well, need to help our families and friends to understand “why” we do this type of behavior. with that being said does anyone have any ideas how i can approach my parent who may or may not understand why i am the way i am?
JOSHVOX77: as far as from my stand point, definately try to listen to her, not push her to your opinions, but definately let her know that you are there for her and would like to understand where she is coming from w/o presenting your self as pushy or overbearing. this approach worked very well for me and is how i always wanted someone to help me.
TRACE:Thanks for the words of advice …and that is exactly what I’m doing ,I’m not trying to push her at all,I just let her know that if she is in that mindset and does S.I ,I’m there for her no matter what and she doesn’t have to hide it from me. And last night she actually told me that I make her so happy that she might be able to eventually let go of it ….for good
but if she can’t…I’ll still be there no matter what!
It’s a really tough thing for you all to go through ,and tough for all of your loved ones as well but I believe through love and believing in someone might help in unimaginable ways!
thanks again ,and good luck!
I just wanted to log in and comment about how well I think these blogs are going. People may not post everyday, but there are interested parties that have emailed me looking for information. And I actually helped one person go. That makes me feel pretty good. Anyone else have a similar story?
Ari
Jack…
Love your blog, will definitely come back….
I have the best possible boyfriend in the entire world. He is kind, sweet, sensitive, smart, athletic, artistic and wonderful. I have known him for a year and a half. Our relationship went very fast. Within a few months of dating, we moved in together. He is 33 (I’m 29) and is working on his PhD. He has been under a lot of stress lately because of the PhD and because of recently moving in together (just a month ago). Before we started dating, he told me that he used to cut his arms in high school, and that a lot of people abandoned him because of it. I accepted him completely, and he really loves me and trusts me because of it. Recently, we’ve had some problems. I grew up in an abusive environment, and have been struggling with PTSD and attachment disorder (I see a therapist weekly for this), and as a result of my brutal past, I am sometimes brutally critical. I do this when I am under extreme stress, and there is little I can do to stop it when I get to that point (I’m struggling like he is). My boyfriend, Keith, has a very hard time dealing with criticism and internalizes it. On the two occasions that I have been critical to him in that fashion, he has cut himself. I feel awful that he is doing this again after all these years, and blame myself for triggering it in him, and want to do everything I can to be a better person to not trigger him. I understand though, that me getting better will take time too and I may fail again. He is currently in the regular hospital, after cutting himself the second time, and I am hoping he will be able to go to the SAFE program. In the meantime, I’m trying to decide if I should move out since I seem to have triggered this in him, or if I should stay and try to work things out. I love him very much and don’t want to leave, but I also very much don’t want him to hurt himself again. The first time he cut himself he also took 10 of his Zoloft, and this last time, he stopped himself before he cut himself badly, but he wanted to cut down to the bone, which scares me to death. Your thoughts would be very much appreciated.
Love and thanks,
Liz
I agree with Ari… maybe we can get a online group here similiar to the format that safe uses…since its not possible for us to all get to safe to have this meeting… maybe there is a place on this blog that can be chaired by someone …even once a week… to feel we have support and it can be based on the logs and the groups SAFE runss.
Hello my name is Ariyanha.
Im 15 years old and have been cuting for 4 years now. There are no words to describe how much cutting means to me, but i dont want to tell my mom.
She has found out that u have cut before, but then she stopped.
I went to a therepist for 2 years but then she found out that i cut and was trying to tell my mom. After that i stopped going to her.
I dont want to tell my mother for the fear of hurting her. Is there anything i can do?
If anyone can help me my email is
m.babiana5@gmail.com