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Today

Posted by blueray on November 9th, 2016

I apologize if this is not the place to talk about this, or if it offends anyone…but the outcome of this election has left me feeling so negative. While I can talk about it with others, my desire to SI and why it has come about,I can’t talk about with anyone. But I need get it out, so hopefully this is okay.

I feel like I have been victimized again. As a survivor of sexual abuse and seeing my abuser not get into any trouble and lead a normal life where everyone looks at him as if he is a great man… I can’t help but feel the same thing when I see who our next president will be. How is it okay to talk about assaulting someone and still be in an esteemed role? I feel so sick when I think about it. I feel anger and I feel so sad for my child self having to relive this same feeling again. This is not okay to me.

I am scared for my friends and those that I don’t even know that will be impacted by hate and discrimination. I have a very close fried who is gay and he is struggling to find his place now. I want to stand with him and tell him he is not alone. There are many, many people who don’t believe what this man does and that good will prevail. But it’s hard to say when I have a hard time believing that right now – hopefully soon though. I really disagree with a lot of what our two new top leaders stand for. I fear for our country’s mental health. I am scared, sad and angry. I want to SI for so many reasons. Sometimes I feel I want to SI so I can just lash out on myself rather than taking my anger out on people/things that don’t deserve it. I can’t even stand to talk or look at the people in my family who support this man and his beliefs. I need some cool down time before I can even comprehend having a conversation that does not involve me bursting into some rant.

Again, sorry if this is not the place to talk politics – but for me this goes beyond mere politics. It is affecting my mental health and I am hoping to hang on. Just like when I was younger I have to remind myself that I have the control over my actions and thoughts. I can choose to overcome and do good despite the negativity and injustice around me.

3 Responses to “Today”

  1. November 11th, 2016
    blueray said:

    And to make things worse. My abuser (who, yes is still somewhat in my life) is a supporter of our new leader and his response to everyone upset about the outcome is to get over and stop whining. I feel so traumatized all over and the desire to SI is so strong. I feel like a kid all over again. Because that is what I was supposed to do then too because he did not get in trouble. He was/is looked at as a good person and I was the one in the wrong.
    While I’m upset about this election outcome for other reasons, this one very personal reason I can’t share or talk about with anyone. I feel so isolated with carrying this all over again.

  2. November 11th, 2016
    Pam L. said:

    I think it’s good you are reaching out here. It’s why we still try to keep this blog running so that people have a safe place to come, even though it’s sad people aren’t on here much these days. You are most certainly not alone. Many people have expressed being upset about the outcome of the election – so hopefully some others may respond here too. Keep reaching out.

  3. January 20th, 2017
    esoper1976 said:

    Hello. Sorry this reply is so long after the election. I felt like I was in an alternate universe when I woke up and found out who our new president was. I am still a bit in shock, and definitely very upset and confused. One of the hardest parts for me was that some of the people who work with me voted for this man, and tried to convince my friends and I to vote for him too. Don’t these people realize that having this man as president could jeopardize our lives? We depend on disability (for now) and medicare and medicaid, and these programs might be in danger. Also, as a woman, I am afraid for what this man stands for. I do not like the fact that he openly says anyone famous has a free pass to abuse women.

    I was never seriously abused, but I have been sexually harassed many times, and I was stalked once, and those words scare me! But, if I were to give in to self harm simply because I am scared of our president, or it is triggering memories of my past treatment, that would be letting my harassers win. I do not want to do that. So, I am staying strong so that this time I win. No one can tell me what to do or how to feel, I will not give them that power. I just hope the next four years goes by quickly, and the country comes to its senses and we make a better choice in the next election. Please vote in the senate/house races in two years as well–don’t wait four years to make some sort of change. Let your voice be heard whenever and wherever it can!

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