glad to share
Posted by mominMI on July 8th, 2012
Just signed on to this blog, it’s reassuring to find some other parents going through similar shocked reactions and questioning. There were absolutely no clues from school or friends or activities that my 15 yo daughter was having any issues. After revealing SI to me at her “well child” annual physical (after confiding in the doctor), she began therapy and treatment for depression. It has been very helpful to me to begin therapy myself, and I was diagnosed with mild chronic depression (dysthymia). Talking to a social worker-therapist who specializes in depression has been wonderful for me, and is helping reduce stress in other parts of my life as well. For the step-mom whose husband believes in consequences: that is a very useful way for kids to grow up and take responsibility for their behavior, but the consequences could be more directed to helping the girl understand her behavior and learn other coping mechanisms. My daughter was in denial that injuring was a serious issue (it’s just something I do), so the consequences were that she would not be able to go on a planned vacation or summer program out of town (away from us parents) unless she was working with a therapist, who could verify that she was stable enough to do so. I was happy that I could adjust the consequences to an arrangement that benefitted her and my peace of mind. Much of the past 8 months has been about learning how to get her to take more responsibility for herself in many areas of her life, and to reduce the “hovering parent” behavior that can feel mandatory to maintain her safety and happiness, but ends up making her dependent and helpless. My husband (her dad) also came to a session to discuss this new plan for her growing up, so we were all on the same page. I have been reading a classic book, “Reviving Ophelia” that came out the year she was born, and it well describes why these very sensitive, intelligent kids are so vulnerable to the stresses of adolescence in our culture. It clearly has not improved in the last 15 years as shown by this epidemic of SI. Hope everyone can come to grips and not only work to cure our kids but to change our societal values for the better of all. “Peace out!”
2 Responses to “glad to share”
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I myself am a 15 year old and all I can say is try to be there for your daughter but also don’t make her feel like she needs to say or explain things to you.
Of course I don’t know if that advice is at all relevent to your situation, but I know that it can be a very very difficult subject to broach and that both parties can be feeling something that they’re not expressing.
Just know that it’s not your fault, and the way that I see it — that you’re going to sessions — is showing your daughter that you care.
More than I can say for my parents; they just wanted to watch me like a pair of hawkes whenever I was near anything sharp, and ask me ‘are you injuring your self again?’ Which I can’t express how angry it made (and still makes) me feel.
From what I understand, you’re doing great.
Good luck and best wishes!
Hi and welcome to the blog. I wanted to encourage you to check out the free webinar that is here at http://www.selfinjury.com. It was presented by Dr. Wendy Lader – one of the co-founders of the S.A.F.E. program. You can find it at this link: http://store.selfinjury.com/products/Parents-Webinar%3A-by-Dr.-Wendy-Lader.html
Again, it’s free and is about 30 minutes long. It talks about how to support your child, or someone you love, who self injures.
Best wishes to you!
Pam (Clinical Therapist and blog moderator)