Posted by barista.steph on July 11th, 2012
Today I’ve been sober and SI free for 6 months! This is the longest time I’ve gone without SI in the last 4 years since I picked up the behavior again. I remember very clearly how it went last time I SI’ed. The next morning I had to confess to my AA sponsor and she asked to see, out of concern. I was so ashamed. I let her look but I couldn’t look myself. I don’t want to feel like that again. I am accountable to too many people now, for my consciounce I have no choice but to be honest about it. I help others with it also, that helps to keep myself in check. But in the moment, when I’m overwhelmed, sad, angry, or feeling numb-it’s always my first thought and the urge comes immediately. I wonder if it will always be my first thought. Every time I don’t act on it , it seems the intensity last for a shorter amount of time the next time. Self injury, pills, a drink-first thoughts, EVERY time. If I think about NEVER doing it again I get very sad and nervous. So I just have to not do it today, that’s all.
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Barista, that is great news and I say congratulations to you
And your last statement is very true, just contentrate on not doing it today and the next day. Easier said than done though. This is something to be proud of!