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Healing =|

Posted by barista.steph on March 19th, 2012

My boss at work knows about my struggles with self injury. I stopped caring and stopped trying to hide it a couple years ago and eventually she asked what was going on with me. We have our differences but she knows me as deeply as anyone can, we’ve worked together for 4 years most every day so it happens. Today she looked at me and said I look so much better, that I’m all healed up and my scars are fading. SO this filled me with all kinds of thoughts and emotions. I’m glad, I don’t want people to look at me funny.I’m proud of myself ┬ábecause in this area physical healing means emotional healing. I used to panic when injuries would heal and I still feel a little of that definitely. It was a little triggering. I was mainly just caught off guard that she noticed. She said she was proud of me. I just have mixed feelings I guess. It’s great to be healing but maybe I’m afraid I’ll forget? ┬áSome will never go away and I’ll always have those memories to accompany those particular times, I don’t know how I feel about that. Mixed feelings again. I think I’m mostly happy about what she said. It’s good, and scary, but mostly good feeling to not need to hide.

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