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what a waste of my time

Posted by G1_J4ne on March 9th, 2012

I knew there would be a possibility of me wasting my God forsaken time. I just didn’t knw that yet again I would be right. I’m so angry and dissapointed in myself right now!!!

So I finally finished that life story for my boyfriend to help him understand what and why I began and still SI for and he turns around after seeing how many pages it is and says you do know the possiblility of me reading it is not going to happen.

So in essence even the the one the person I thought who would care clearly doesn’t whih still proves that we are and always will be alone in this world. Well needless to say all I want to do right now is SI my stupidity away. Remove it from my being, delete the history of my life away and never want to share it with any body ever again.

That is and will be the last time I speak about my problem or at least try to!!!!! I will be who I am and be happy with it bcz that is what knows me, that is what understands me and that is what will forever be there for me.

I do not need help and I do not need anyone!!!that’s it I’m done with this and the whole world with heartless people!!!!

3 Responses to “what a waste of my time”

  1. March 9th, 2012
    Pam L. said:

    If this was your best friend’s boyfriend and the same thing had happened, how would you advise your best friend? Would you tell her she was stupid to trust someone and she should just keep these things to herself? Or would you tell her that it’s pretty pathetic that he could be so heartless and utterly disrespectful of his girlfriend to not care about her life story? YOU are not the “stupid” one in this scenario. I find him flawed that he could be so cold and cruel to someone he is supposed to care about.

    Something to really consider – what would you advise your best friend to do in this situation? You don’t need to answer, it’s something to think about.

    I’m so sorry that happened. Your story is important and it deserves to be told to someone who will honor and cherish learning more about you.

    We all need help now and then. And if we try long enough, there are good and trustworthy people to get that help from.

  2. March 9th, 2012
    barista.steph said:

    Ugh, it stinks to be vulnerable like that and have it shoved back in your face. You are NOT stupid and I think it was very brave to open up like that. Very,very, brave. It’s a very hard thing to talk about. When I was having a real hard time, someone in my support system told me in a conversation that we were having about staying in recovery

    “Don’t give up, don’t leave, before the miracle happens”

    Don’t give up yet, things really do get better if you just hold on.

  3. March 12th, 2012
    G1_J4ne said:

    Thanks Pam for actually helping me to see that i was not at fault. I do however feel that i might be pushing the situation on him a bit too forcefully and maybe in his own time when the curiosity gets the better of him he will read it. For now im not going to pry and let my forceful nature get the better of me or him because then the reaction i was looking for will turn 360 degrees and he wont have the energy to accept and understand my true self or story.

    Barista.steph thank you so much for reminding me that there is always something better waiting in the future. I can gladly say that i am still going strong and on my 3rd week clean almost…friday is D-day but im sure all the negativity i confront this week i can handle just as i handled the situation this weekend. Thank you so much

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