Comments for S.A.F.E. ALTERNATIVES® http://selfinjury.com/blog S.A.F.E. ALTERNATIVES® Blog Fri, 24 May 2013 04:07:45 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 Comment on A mom in need. by Tranquil Waterfall http://selfinjury.com/blog/?p=26493&cpage=1#comment-16634 Tranquil Waterfall Fri, 24 May 2013 04:07:45 +0000 http://selfinjury.com/blog/?p=26493#comment-16634 It sounds like you have a lot of frustrations on your plate. What I find to be different about this case is your daughter taking pictures of herself and posting them. I am one who self-injures, and besides my therapist and a few close friends who I tell for accountability purposes, nobody knows. It's usually a well-kept secret, from my understanding, though not always. I did know one girl in high school who hurt herself and showed people what she had done. It's rare that this behavior is an attention-seeking stunt, but if one is showing others what they are doing, perhaps a case can be made for this being attention-seeking? I hesitate to also say that this is manipulative, but it just sounds that way to me. I mean, when my parents made me angry, I injured, but believe me, they never ever found out and still don't know to this day. If someone is using their SI to try and get you to change your stance on something, then I would say that it is a manipulative act. I must emphasize that this is also rare (like I said, this is usually a well-kept secret, and I've never seen a case like this one before). In regards to helping you? Here's why I never told my parents: I knew they would never ever understand in a million years the emotional pain I was dealing with that would lead me to harming myself. I did, however, tell those few friends because I knew that they would be concerned, but let me live my life like the twenty-one-year-old that I am. They are concerned about me injuring myself, but they also focus on the emotional side of it. In other words, what emotions are driving me to want to harm myself? Anger? Depression? Feeling alone? Whatever it may be, they focus on helping me through my emotional turmoils, rather than focusing so much on the injuring itself. They will listen if I tell them that I have harmed myself, but they do not go overboard and overprotective and try to save me from myself. I understand that this is very scary for you, as it would be for any mother. I think that there are a few things you can do here. The first thing is to not be hard on yourself. I once told someone after injuring myself after an argument: "It was not that girl's fault I hurt myself. I made that choice in my anger." So, don't feel guilty that your daughter is hurting herself when you two have an argument or whatever. I would also suggest not acting so cautious around her either just to try and prevent her from hurting herself. Life is full of situations that we don't like, and we have to learn better coping mechanisms than self-harm. If everyone were so cautious around us all of the time just so we don't hurt ourselves, it's like walking on eggshells for them, and it's just not the way the real world is. Finally, please keep getting her help. And don't hesitate to get yourself some help too. You sound like you are so stressed out, you don't know where to turn. Don't be afraid to reach out for help, just as others have reached out to you for help. It sounds like you have a lot of frustrations on your plate. What I find to be different about this case is your daughter taking pictures of herself and posting them. I am one who self-injures, and besides my therapist and a few close friends who I tell for accountability purposes, nobody knows. It’s usually a well-kept secret, from my understanding, though not always. I did know one girl in high school who hurt herself and showed people what she had done. It’s rare that this behavior is an attention-seeking stunt, but if one is showing others what they are doing, perhaps a case can be made for this being attention-seeking? I hesitate to also say that this is manipulative, but it just sounds that way to me. I mean, when my parents made me angry, I injured, but believe me, they never ever found out and still don’t know to this day. If someone is using their SI to try and get you to change your stance on something, then I would say that it is a manipulative act. I must emphasize that this is also rare (like I said, this is usually a well-kept secret, and I’ve never seen a case like this one before). In regards to helping you? Here’s why I never told my parents: I knew they would never ever understand in a million years the emotional pain I was dealing with that would lead me to harming myself. I did, however, tell those few friends because I knew that they would be concerned, but let me live my life like the twenty-one-year-old that I am. They are concerned about me injuring myself, but they also focus on the emotional side of it. In other words, what emotions are driving me to want to harm myself? Anger? Depression? Feeling alone? Whatever it may be, they focus on helping me through my emotional turmoils, rather than focusing so much on the injuring itself. They will listen if I tell them that I have harmed myself, but they do not go overboard and overprotective and try to save me from myself. I understand that this is very scary for you, as it would be for any mother. I think that there are a few things you can do here. The first thing is to not be hard on yourself. I once told someone after injuring myself after an argument: “It was not that girl’s fault I hurt myself. I made that choice in my anger.” So, don’t feel guilty that your daughter is hurting herself when you two have an argument or whatever. I would also suggest not acting so cautious around her either just to try and prevent her from hurting herself. Life is full of situations that we don’t like, and we have to learn better coping mechanisms than self-harm. If everyone were so cautious around us all of the time just so we don’t hurt ourselves, it’s like walking on eggshells for them, and it’s just not the way the real world is. Finally, please keep getting her help. And don’t hesitate to get yourself some help too. You sound like you are so stressed out, you don’t know where to turn. Don’t be afraid to reach out for help, just as others have reached out to you for help.

]]> Comment on Am I SIing With Food? by blackcloudoverme http://selfinjury.com/blog/?p=26364&cpage=1#comment-16633 blackcloudoverme Fri, 24 May 2013 01:21:04 +0000 http://selfinjury.com/blog/?p=26364#comment-16633 I totally understand when i get depressed i dont eat much either. Its hard to even get out of bed sometimes. and food is like the last thing on my mind... I totally understand when i get depressed i dont eat much either. Its hard to even get out of bed sometimes. and food is like the last thing on my mind…

]]> Comment on I couldnt help it… by blackcloudoverme http://selfinjury.com/blog/?p=26426&cpage=1#comment-16632 blackcloudoverme Fri, 24 May 2013 01:17:10 +0000 http://selfinjury.com/blog/?p=26426#comment-16632 Thanks highupplaces. I appreciate that. I do my very best to be the best mom! He is the greatest gift i ever got! :) I have self injured since i was 15 off and on. I do go to therapy and trust me it helped alot. My moods with my bipolar have gotten worse... So my stress level has gone up.. That is why i self injured. But thanks for the response! :) Thanks highupplaces. I appreciate that. I do my very best to be the best mom! He is the greatest gift i ever got! :) I have self injured since i was 15 off and on. I do go to therapy and trust me it helped alot. My moods with my bipolar have gotten worse… So my stress level has gone up.. That is why i self injured. But thanks for the response! :)

]]> Comment on I couldnt help it… by highupplaces http://selfinjury.com/blog/?p=26426&cpage=1#comment-16631 highupplaces Thu, 23 May 2013 04:57:18 +0000 http://selfinjury.com/blog/?p=26426#comment-16631 It's okay. Relapse happens. It's part of recovery and the best thing you can do right now is be your own best friend and take care of yourself because you are so very important. You need to take really good care of yourself so you can take really good care of your son. Also, I know it's sometimes (often) unavoidable, but try you very best to avoid putting yourself in situations that give you stress/anxiety/whatever it is that makes you feel bad and feel the need to SI. If you can, try and find a therapist or someone that you can talk to or call a hotline. Just know that there is always, ALWAYS someone who understands. You are not the only one. You are not alone. You are fantastic and you care so much and I'm sure that you can get through this. I know you can, you will. It’s okay. Relapse happens. It’s part of recovery and the best thing you can do right now is be your own best friend and take care of yourself because you are so very important. You need to take really good care of yourself so you can take really good care of your son. Also, I know it’s sometimes (often) unavoidable, but try you very best to avoid putting yourself in situations that give you stress/anxiety/whatever it is that makes you feel bad and feel the need to SI. If you can, try and find a therapist or someone that you can talk to or call a hotline. Just know that there is always, ALWAYS someone who understands. You are not the only one. You are not alone. You are fantastic and you care so much and I’m sure that you can get through this. I know you can, you will.

]]> Comment on A big change by Tranquil Waterfall http://selfinjury.com/blog/?p=26450&cpage=1#comment-16630 Tranquil Waterfall Wed, 22 May 2013 20:46:27 +0000 http://selfinjury.com/blog/?p=26450#comment-16630 Wow! That's smart, putting a tattoo over the spot where you normally SI, and having it to look at as a reminder when the urge strikes. I like your philosophy about worrying too. Wow! That’s smart, putting a tattoo over the spot where you normally SI, and having it to look at as a reminder when the urge strikes. I like your philosophy about worrying too.

]]> Comment on I can’t do this by blackcloudoverme http://selfinjury.com/blog/?p=26413&cpage=1#comment-16629 blackcloudoverme Tue, 21 May 2013 16:09:19 +0000 http://selfinjury.com/blog/?p=26413#comment-16629 I know it's hard... and it feels like no one cares and it does stink that your mother thinks you're faking. but my therapist told me that we can only take care of our feelings. and you are not alone and your not bothering me. I know it’s hard… and it feels like no one cares and it does stink that your mother thinks you’re faking. but my therapist told me that we can only take care of our feelings. and you are not alone and your not bothering me.

]]> Comment on I couldnt help it… by blackcloudoverme http://selfinjury.com/blog/?p=26426&cpage=1#comment-16628 blackcloudoverme Tue, 21 May 2013 05:59:21 +0000 http://selfinjury.com/blog/?p=26426#comment-16628 hi I meant my son's father it was a typo sorry. hi I meant my son’s father it was a typo sorry.

]]> Comment on so sad by Tranquil Waterfall http://selfinjury.com/blog/?p=26354&cpage=1#comment-16627 Tranquil Waterfall Fri, 17 May 2013 23:42:49 +0000 http://selfinjury.com/blog/?p=26354#comment-16627 Connie, I'm so sorry to hear about your mother-in-law. You mentioned feeling bad about not spending time with her, but you know what? I bet she appreciated very much that you took care of her by fixing her supper. That was very kind of you to look out for her like that. Connie,

I’m so sorry to hear about your mother-in-law. You mentioned feeling bad about not spending time with her, but you know what? I bet she appreciated very much that you took care of her by fixing her supper. That was very kind of you to look out for her like that.

]]> Comment on I can’t do this by Tranquil Waterfall http://selfinjury.com/blog/?p=26413&cpage=1#comment-16626 Tranquil Waterfall Fri, 17 May 2013 07:24:13 +0000 http://selfinjury.com/blog/?p=26413#comment-16626 It is very frustrating that your mom does not understand what you are going through, and it's lonely when it seems that nobody cares. Please know that wanting/needing someone to care about you is not selfish. It is something that we all need, because Relationships are important for healing and growth. It is very frustrating that your mom does not understand what you are going through, and it’s lonely when it seems that nobody cares. Please know that wanting/needing someone to care about you is not selfish. It is something that we all need, because Relationships are important for healing and growth.

]]> Comment on Am I SIing With Food? by buffy_the_vampire_slayer http://selfinjury.com/blog/?p=26364&cpage=1#comment-16624 buffy_the_vampire_slayer Thu, 16 May 2013 19:07:26 +0000 http://selfinjury.com/blog/?p=26364#comment-16624 Tranquil,I too punish myself with restricting food. There's a running theme here I see. I however, am deathly afraid of gaining weight. I am not anorexic, but I walk a fine line. Tranquil,I too punish myself with restricting food. There’s a running theme here I see. I however, am deathly afraid of gaining weight. I am not anorexic, but I walk a fine line.

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