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This is a "trigger-free" site. Please do not use language containing graphic descriptions of Self Injurious behaviors. Words such as self injury, self harm, and the initials S.I. will be approved. Be mindful of swear words which are inappropriate and offensive to minors and others. This site is monitored and anyone found to continually violate these conditions will be removed from this entire blog site. Please follow S.A.F.E. A LTERNATIVES' philosophy and help us maintain a "trigger-free" blog. Thank you.

If you have thoughts of suicide call: 911, 800 - SUICIDE (784-2433), or go to the nearest emergency room.

Archive for "Adults Connection"

Feeling weak

Posted by invisible | February 7th, 2016

The last few weeks have been awful. It has been years since I have felt so out of control. Stress levels are at an all time high. It is as if the whole family is under this oppressive feeling. No on one seems to have joy or peace. It is more than I can bare. Mostly it is money issues that are weighing us down with no end in sight. I feel sad, frustrated and angry more than I feel peace or joy. So overwhelmed. Feeling tired. Just plain tired and stuck. It’s got to get better, right? Feeling crushed by all the crud that life is throwing at us. Invisible, as usual. Nothing I say or do seems to matter.

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Long Time

Posted by painchangedme | January 29th, 2016

I don’t know what to do right now. I have’;t harmed myself since I was 17, It has almost been three years but I feel like crap again. My heart hurts. My whole body hurts. I feel lost and frustrated and unwanted. I feel like I am not worthy of anyone. I was with someone who I thought I was going to marry and he broke up with me and told him that I was wasn’t good enough for him. I feel worthless. I am falling apart again fr the first time in 3 years. Someone please help me. I want to hurt myself to take the emotional pain away. I feel like I deserve it.

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Getting There

Posted by lookingforpeace | January 18th, 2016

It’s been about 3 months since I last used any form of SI. I think about it about every other day now. The urge is still there but it’s more a faint flicker rather than a raging blaze. Today I found out that my sister is pregnant again. It was a bit of a blow since I’ve been struggling with infertility for over a year now. Even with this news, that flicker still is just a flicker. I’m getting there with a large part of the help I received from a great, understanding therapist. I once went 6 years without my main way of SI. There is hope. I have more of a reason to continue on this path – I’m going back to school to finish my counseling degree. To be an effective helper, I need to be free of SI, but not necessarily rid of it, because it is part of my past and part of who I am as a person. Free of the control that SI has over me. It wasn’t easy. It was a long process of trial and error and practice over the course of a year to find what would help the urges.

Hopefully what has helped me will help someone else.

Recite a list of colors, plants, vehicles, animals – anything that you can list off many things.

Call a close friend to say the list to.

Find something to ground you in different locations – focus on the color of something, a smell, a taste, a texture.

Find a safe replacement/distraction – squeeze an ice cube in your fist.

Remove yourself from the location you commonly use SI when you have an urge.

 

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I’m the Mom of a heroin addict who was released from 4 days of jail yesterday & she’s 26.

Posted by FromPA | December 5th, 2015

I don’t know what to do. ¬†She was court ordered into counseling at 15 when she was injuring. Last year she was arrested for heroin. She was 5 months clean. She was working a program through drug court. ¬†Her friend at 25 died of drugs recently. So she took a train to Philadelphia and did heroin again. She was caught by her PO the next day & admitted she’d flunk the test. So she was arrested again for 4 days & got out yesterday. ¬†She called me today. ¬†I have no idea what to do. She’s 26. Her only sibling died as an infant in December. It’s December now and I’m already depressed. ¬†I don’t know anything to do to take care of myself or her. ¬†She’s back living with her father and he never called me when she was arrested again.

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help me help her

Posted by dd29271 | November 30th, 2015

I have just found out my 22 year old daughter SI. I am so scared. I am also feeling such guilt, as she said she has done this since probably about 16 years old. How did I not know? I have read that people who SI have been abused ….but she was not abused….she was loved by her father and I…we did divorce but remained very good friends and always worked together caring for our children. I remarried, and about age 15, my husband died unexpectedly. Could this have triggered the initial pain and SI? And how can I help her….she is starting to engage in drinking at times…I am encouraging her to seek help….but I don’t know if she will. She got angry with me because i know I started getting too involved and rushing to ask her so many questions. I promised her i would back off, and assured her I am here for her and will help support her through this. She lives on her own, so I am not with her daily. I am trying to keep my own emotions in check, but can’t stop crying. I love her so much and can’t bear to see her in pain. I just need help…is there help and success in addressing this

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Holiday Triggers…

Posted by raintechie | November 25th, 2015

I found this site from a random blog. I hope it helps…

With all the family and stress of the holidays I feel the anxiety and SI urges coming back. It is overwhelming, I have been SI free for a few months. I have talked to my partner about it, but I don’t want to worry her or my family.

I have tried drawing, knitting, read and playing games. I just don’t know what to tell people and I am not good at resisting urges when they come. I don’t want to bring everyone down around the holidays…

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Too old for this!

Posted by EJMdesign | November 24th, 2015

Hello.

I’m completely new to this blog — really to blogging at all. ¬†But I need to reach out somehow, to someone.

I’m 50 years old, educated, work in the arts. ¬† I haven’t gone down the road of SI since I was an early teen. ¬†But my 20 year marriage, that I thought was absurdly good, has just blown up. ¬†It may survive; it may not. ¬†But I feel helpless, lost, like the ground under my feet has been quicksand for years and I never noticed.

I feel … disposable. ¬†And irrelevant.

I’m not suicidal. ¬†I feel a mild urge that way but can’t do that to those around me. ¬†My mother is an 86 year old recent widow, and I’m an only child … if I committed suicide it would kill her, too .. and I can’t be responsible for that, no matter how much pain I’m in.

But the urge to hurt myself has come roaring back. ¬†I desperately want to self-injure. ¬†I am broken and afraid and I don’t know if I can resist this. ¬†I’ve been reading some of the self help sites, trying to resist … but I fear my resistance is crumbling fast. ¬†I’ve taken the sharp things out of the room, and I’m trying to distract myself. ¬†But I’m struggling.

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Need advice

Posted by Tweety56601 | November 22nd, 2015

I am a female age 32. I have been S.I. free for four months. About three weeks ago i started having urges for S.I. again. I started to curb these urges by coloring and tracing like i learned in a treatment facility i went to in may til july. But now the urges are so strong i dnt know how much longer i can fight them. Any advice?

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I hope…….

Posted by Pam L. | November 8th, 2015

Hello all,

I’m one of the blog moderators, and I’m noticing that the blog is not very active these days. ¬†My favorite thing about this blog is that it’s a safe place on the internet for people to go and ¬†be able to give and receive some support. ¬†There are so many places on line that are graphic and can be triggering, and yet, so few that truly help to support people and encourage positive support without being triggering.

I’d love to respond to each person and often feel as if I should – but I keep reminding myself that it’s not my blog or SAFE Alternatives’ place to go for support or to give support solely. ¬†It’s for you all to support each other.

To newer blog members РWelcome!  Keep reaching out for help because you are NOT alone.

Best wishes to everyone and I hope you’ll keep on writing. ¬†Everyone needs support now and then, every.single.person.

Pam L.

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Posted by healing | October 10th, 2015

I am having a hard day. I am under a tone of pressure and I am creating the pressure, I think. But I want to move my life forward. My therapist told me something about enjoying the process- I want to hold onto that. Also, there is a family member I am being triggered by- I don’t like some of his choices. I have needed him out of the house- away from me- so I can get a grip myself. He has been visiting a lot and it’s been wonderful- but it’s not wonderful for me right now. It isn’t just about his choices- those are a little minor- but he’s about to undergo a huge transition in living situation. It’s my son. He’s leaving a residential treatment facility where he has been for about a year and transition to therapeutic foster care. And I’ve been having difficulty communicating- his p-doc was away last week and there was a min-crisis and it was hard to get in touch with the person covering. And trying to find a new family therapist and place a refers to place b and place b refer to place a…. This may or may not be true but it seems to me that at some point we were referred out of most of the MH places in our city…. and the person at the facility who is supposed to be helping isn’t helpful. But I know the next step. I only ever have to know the next step. I don’t need to drive myself so hard with work and study. I’m getting exercise. Getting out of the house. Taking medication. And I know that if I give in and do something to hurt myself it won’t actually make the urges pass- it will feed them. If I want them to go away I need to remember that I am in control of my hands. That managing myself is the first priority. I cleaned my house to make myself feel better. I have been neglecting a non-self-inflicted injury and am in pain. What I want it just to be able to stay balanced. But I remember the days when it felt like everything was coming apart- I don’t feel like everything is coming apart. That’s because I have earned a safe and stable living situation (major triggers eliminated) and because I can remember, sort of, different states. I know, at least intellectually, that SI is often not on my radar. It’s just there right now. It is going to pass. But I’m having difficulty managing myself. Like, literally, I don’t know what to do with me right now. I was studying– trying to get much more out of a course I am taking than I really need, but I want it… but tired too- so I had my book and computer open was taking note then let myself just play candy crush. Then the urges were getting really bad and I felt tired so I went to lay down. I know as long as I lay still and don’t move I can’t get hurt. So I was just laying there, like hiding. I thought rest was important for me. But I didn’t fall asleep and my mind was honing in on dark places, so I got up and got my computer and now I am typing. I could go back to taking notes….. I don’t know what to do. I’m home alone, which isn’t great, but I don’t have anything dangerous here. I don’t know what to do. I want to be ok, but I do not feel ok. maybe it’s ok to not feel ok.

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