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This is a "trigger-free" site. Please do not use language containing graphic descriptions of Self Injurious behaviors. Words such as self injury, self harm, and the initials S.I. will be approved. Be mindful of swear words which are inappropriate and offensive to minors and others. This site is monitored and anyone found to continually violate these conditions will be removed from this entire blog site. Please follow S.A.F.E. A LTERNATIVES' philosophy and help us maintain a "trigger-free" blog. Thank you.

If you have thoughts of suicide call: 911, 800 - SUICIDE (784-2433), or go to the nearest emergency room.

Archive for "Adults Connection"

help me help her

Posted by dd29271 | November 30th, 2015

I have just found out my 22 year old daughter SI. I am so scared. I am also feeling such guilt, as she said she has done this since probably about 16 years old. How did I not know? I have read that people who SI have been abused ….but she was not abused….she was loved by her father and I…we did divorce but remained very good friends and always worked together caring for our children. I remarried, and about age 15, my husband died unexpectedly. Could this have triggered the initial pain and SI? And how can I help her….she is starting to engage in drinking at times…I am encouraging her to seek help….but I don’t know if she will. She got angry with me because i know I started getting too involved and rushing to ask her so many questions. I promised her i would back off, and assured her I am here for her and will help support her through this. She lives on her own, so I am not with her daily. I am trying to keep my own emotions in check, but can’t stop crying. I love her so much and can’t bear to see her in pain. I just need help…is there help and success in addressing this

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Holiday Triggers…

Posted by raintechie | November 25th, 2015

I found this site from a random blog. I hope it helps…

With all the family and stress of the holidays I feel the anxiety and SI urges coming back. It is overwhelming, I have been SI free for a few months. I have talked to my partner about it, but I don’t want to worry her or my family.

I have tried drawing, knitting, read and playing games. I just don’t know what to tell people and I am not good at resisting urges when they come. I don’t want to bring everyone down around the holidays…

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Too old for this!

Posted by EJMdesign | November 24th, 2015

Hello.

I’m completely new to this blog — really to blogging at all. ¬†But I need to reach out somehow, to someone.

I’m 50 years old, educated, work in the arts. ¬† I haven’t gone down the road of SI since I was an early teen. ¬†But my 20 year marriage, that I thought was absurdly good, has just blown up. ¬†It may survive; it may not. ¬†But I feel helpless, lost, like the ground under my feet has been quicksand for years and I never noticed.

I feel … disposable. ¬†And irrelevant.

I’m not suicidal. ¬†I feel a mild urge that way but can’t do that to those around me. ¬†My mother is an 86 year old recent widow, and I’m an only child … if I committed suicide it would kill her, too .. and I can’t be responsible for that, no matter how much pain I’m in.

But the urge to hurt myself has come roaring back. ¬†I desperately want to self-injure. ¬†I am broken and afraid and I don’t know if I can resist this. ¬†I’ve been reading some of the self help sites, trying to resist … but I fear my resistance is crumbling fast. ¬†I’ve taken the sharp things out of the room, and I’m trying to distract myself. ¬†But I’m struggling.

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Need advice

Posted by Tweety56601 | November 22nd, 2015

I am a female age 32. I have been S.I. free for four months. About three weeks ago i started having urges for S.I. again. I started to curb these urges by coloring and tracing like i learned in a treatment facility i went to in may til july. But now the urges are so strong i dnt know how much longer i can fight them. Any advice?

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I hope…….

Posted by Pam L. | November 8th, 2015

Hello all,

I’m one of the blog moderators, and I’m noticing that the blog is not very active these days. ¬†My favorite thing about this blog is that it’s a safe place on the internet for people to go and ¬†be able to give and receive some support. ¬†There are so many places on line that are graphic and can be triggering, and yet, so few that truly help to support people and encourage positive support without being triggering.

I’d love to respond to each person and often feel as if I should – but I keep reminding myself that it’s not my blog or SAFE Alternatives’ place to go for support or to give support solely. ¬†It’s for you all to support each other.

To newer blog members РWelcome!  Keep reaching out for help because you are NOT alone.

Best wishes to everyone and I hope you’ll keep on writing. ¬†Everyone needs support now and then, every.single.person.

Pam L.

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Posted by healing | October 10th, 2015

I am having a hard day. I am under a tone of pressure and I am creating the pressure, I think. But I want to move my life forward. My therapist told me something about enjoying the process- I want to hold onto that. Also, there is a family member I am being triggered by- I don’t like some of his choices. I have needed him out of the house- away from me- so I can get a grip myself. He has been visiting a lot and it’s been wonderful- but it’s not wonderful for me right now. It isn’t just about his choices- those are a little minor- but he’s about to undergo a huge transition in living situation. It’s my son. He’s leaving a residential treatment facility where he has been for about a year and transition to therapeutic foster care. And I’ve been having difficulty communicating- his p-doc was away last week and there was a min-crisis and it was hard to get in touch with the person covering. And trying to find a new family therapist and place a refers to place b and place b refer to place a…. This may or may not be true but it seems to me that at some point we were referred out of most of the MH places in our city…. and the person at the facility who is supposed to be helping isn’t helpful. But I know the next step. I only ever have to know the next step. I don’t need to drive myself so hard with work and study. I’m getting exercise. Getting out of the house. Taking medication. And I know that if I give in and do something to hurt myself it won’t actually make the urges pass- it will feed them. If I want them to go away I need to remember that I am in control of my hands. That managing myself is the first priority. I cleaned my house to make myself feel better. I have been neglecting a non-self-inflicted injury and am in pain. What I want it just to be able to stay balanced. But I remember the days when it felt like everything was coming apart- I don’t feel like everything is coming apart. That’s because I have earned a safe and stable living situation (major triggers eliminated) and because I can remember, sort of, different states. I know, at least intellectually, that SI is often not on my radar. It’s just there right now. It is going to pass. But I’m having difficulty managing myself. Like, literally, I don’t know what to do with me right now. I was studying– trying to get much more out of a course I am taking than I really need, but I want it… but tired too- so I had my book and computer open was taking note then let myself just play candy crush. Then the urges were getting really bad and I felt tired so I went to lay down. I know as long as I lay still and don’t move I can’t get hurt. So I was just laying there, like hiding. I thought rest was important for me. But I didn’t fall asleep and my mind was honing in on dark places, so I got up and got my computer and now I am typing. I could go back to taking notes….. I don’t know what to do. I’m home alone, which isn’t great, but I don’t have anything dangerous here. I don’t know what to do. I want to be ok, but I do not feel ok. maybe it’s ok to not feel ok.

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is there any help out there?

Posted by help127 | September 20th, 2015

Hello.¬† I live in southern wisconsin.¬† i am 33 yrs old and have self harmed for past 5 -6 yrs.¬† Does anybody know of any treatment places for self harm or groups for it?¬† Anything??¬† I can’t seem to find anything other than other states where my insurance is not accepted.¬† I have been in this bad cycle for 5 years now and I want it to end but I need help. I know I cannot do this alone as I have been trying for a very long time now.¬† Any words of advice, places of help, support groups for self harm, any info would be greatly appreciated.¬† thank you.

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Detached

Posted by lookingforpeace | September 3rd, 2015

It feels like life can be a game leaving me thinking that all of this here in this world is so superficial; why anyone would continue to do anything – what’s the purpose? Why do I continue to take the medications that are suppose to make me feel better, or why do I continue to attend therapy sessions? Yes, it all helps for now, but what happens when I’m done with therapy and medication? I’ve returned to self – injuring again, and although it happens less frequently now, it’s something that I don’t foresee ever going away completely. Even when I wasn’t engaged in my main form of self – injury, a lesser form took its place for times when the urge was too much. It’s a crutch. Something that I’ve leaned on far too long. I am ashamed that after all these years, I sill self – injure. I’m confused about why it is I still feel so detached from life to such an extent that I can no longer see a purpose. Life seems so superficial; so contrived. We live, struggle though the materialism that is now life, and then die.

It’s these moments of clarity when I’m reminded of how self – injuring becomes so alluring. How other addictions can become so consuming. It’s easier to mask or avoid those difficult moments of detachment than it is to endure them. Or it’s the opposite – because of these moments, I self – injure just to feel something, feel real, feel less superficial.

I feel alone and hopeless.

2 Comments »

New Pain

Posted by jesh | September 2nd, 2015

I have not injured for 15 years, and all of a sudden I want to so bad. ¬†A short history, I injured so bad at one time I removed all sharp objects from my living environment. ¬†I never looked for any type of assistance before. ¬†Don’t get me wrong, I have had urges over the years but I have been able to fight them. ¬†This time I am not so sure. ¬†Maybe just talking about it will help.

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The Oxymoron: Being Vulnerable.

Posted by lookingforpeace | June 30th, 2015

My therapist and I are working on trying to identify what are the motivating factors that drive my self – injurious behaviors. Reading through some of the material that she has provided has been difficult. The list of possible motivations for self – injury are just enough to rekindle the urge to harm. There are some forms of self – injury that I engage in but would have never thought to be self – injury. I continue to struggle with this internal battle over will I harm or not. I want to just cover my head with my blankets and sleep until it’s over. It’s almost like I need to feel the constant pain to remind me that I’m still here, this is real, and that I am still alive.

I want to be vulnerable and just say out loud to my therapist the things I’m thinking. I want to be vulnerable, but I am so afraid that if I allow myself to do so, I am going to fall into a pit and unintentionally, or even intentionally, crumble into unrepairable pieces. And the thing that makes this an oxymoron: I want to be that vulnerable, to let all of the heavy weight go, and trust that someone will hold me up when I am no longer able to. I want to be able to cry tears of release instead of only the tears of pain that I have come to know so well.

All while battling this urge to keep from harming, I battle with trying to keep the marks covered and hidden not just from my co-workers or therapist, but also from my husband who only is aware of one of the ways I use self – injury. I went too the last few times. Left more to cover than I intended. I just want it to stop. When does it stop? I started over 10 years ago. When will it stop?

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