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If you have thoughts of suicide call: 911, 800 - SUICIDE (784-2433), or go to the nearest emergency room.

Archive for "Adults Connection"

step of desperation

Posted by bria | April 15th, 2015

Crisis lines magnify my anxiety and shame and I’m not ready for group therapy, but I need to say something, ¬†I need a response because I’m afraid of what I’m doing to myself.

I don’t know what, if anything, ¬†I expect to gain from this but it’s better than giving up right?

I am lonely, ¬†but I’m surrounded by people who love me and want to see me better. My boyfriend tries so hard but I have personalitydisorders that inevitably cause me to push him and others away. ¬†I don’t know what feels worse; not having someone but wanting the company, ¬†or having someone who loves me only for me to self sabotage with all my irrational reasoning.

Yesterday was my 29th birthday and I still feel as insecure as I was when I was 12 y/o and beginning a cycle of self harm. With the emotion running hight the past two weeks,  I engaged in the SI behavior today.

To clarify, July ’14, ¬†I moved to a new city to be with the person I love thinking it was a grand romantic gesture. A fun new adventure. ¬†It wasn’t the sole reason but an incredible motivation to think I found love. Yet, 10 months later, I am basically friendless, ¬†took a less pay and fewer hours at my new job, and am in unfamiliar surroundings.

I’m currently in weekly counseling sessions but it’s the in between time that is the worst. My mind and imagination become an oubliette, it feels so dark, deep and inescapable.

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Family Doctor

Posted by pepperpeter33 | February 18th, 2015

Friday i have to see the family doctor on a check up and he will notice my injuring and am scard about what he will do. i just started to injure again after 10 yrs of not injuring. I just hope my doctor is understanding of it and wont flip out.

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S.A.F.E. Alternatives App

Posted by karenceo | February 3rd, 2015

32

The S.A.F.E. Alternatives iTunes App has been updated, and is working. To view the App, click the iTune icon above.

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New to all this (Not to the self injury but talking about it)

Posted by Kyssarya | January 21st, 2015

Hi Everyone

Not sure where to start or what to say. It bothers me to talk about this because I have this fear of being crazy, of being judged and looked down on for what I do. ¬†I’m 42 yr old female single no children that moved back home and live with my mom. ¬†My dad unexpectedly dropped dead at home in his computer chair on June 11 2014. ¬†The self injury has become more noticeable to me lately, I suffer from General Anxiety Disorder and Depression. I take plenty of meds for it so it’s under control for the most part, I also have some OCD habits so that definitely doesn’t help things.

I had to stop and go back and delete what I was writing, I started to go into to much details. ¬†My first recollection of self harm was in the 3rd grade. ¬†The way I injure, ¬†I’ll just leave it at that but its pretty severe at times. I’ve never really known why I started, I’m thinking it’s the anxiety. Tonight I was at it again when it dawned on me that I need to stop. I’ve stopped before for a while but never for long. ¬†I don’t know if I can stop, but I thought I would try this and see if it helped. I’ve never talked to anyone else before who understood where I was coming from.

I’m open to any and all ideas and thoughts, I’ll also answer any questions as honestly as I can, I just don’t know how far I can go because I don’t want to write anything that would be a trigger. ¬†How does anyone stop? just looking for some insight. Thanks for listening, that means a lot as I’m sure you understand. I hope everyone has a great day and week. I’ll check back in later.

TTYL

Kyssarya

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Still Around!

Posted by Denise | January 12th, 2015

My name is Denise it’s been a really long time since I’ve written anything, but today I found myself wanting to give it all up.¬† My road to becoming was paved with the thorns without the roses, the downs without any ups and being stuck and deciding 100% of the time not wanting anymore because it seemed as time went on I needed to do things my way so no one would say I’m a failure by having a Therapist or Psychiatrist.¬† About 2-3 years ago I decided it’s time to do a psychological change of where I used to live so I start, but I was still self-injuring while doing things like throwing out all my triggers, etc.¬†¬† About 4-5 years ago I had a chance to move out of my old place and make a fresh start, but felt it wasn’t worth it at any cost.¬† Since that time I have move into an apartment that I’m actually happy to call HOME it’s still hard, but now I have a lot more support around me and next month on the 5th will be 2yrs since I’ve hurt myself and I know it’s a huge step because I’ve never been able to go 1 day or 1 week without doing something.¬† Life is still hard because even as a recovering self injurer you always wonder what will tomorrow bring.¬† I also want to let you know I went through the program and graduated August 2008) and I want to say to all the staff members who were there “THANKS FOR BEING THERE.”

I just want to say to all with the right environment, support like friends, therapist and psychiatrist it is possible and just getting rid of all triggers slowly, but surely I’m not saying it’s a quick fix it took time for me, but it was a start.¬† I want to wish all of the staff and anyone who may know me from the program “A HAPPY BELATED NEW YEARS.”

 

 

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Am I alone?

Posted by davis40330 | January 10th, 2015

I am 43 and have been “hurting” myself for probably 30 years, regularly. Why can’t I stop?

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Posted by healing | December 19th, 2014

The math problem I had to long on today was very easy, and for that I am grateful. Because my brain is fried. I am totally overwhelmed and frozen. I tried taking a shower, watching a video on dbt- helped a bit, maybe. The shower helped. I left my phone at work today. I think I left it bc I am supposed to call a relative in a treatment facility tonight and maybe I don’t really want to do that– but it’s not just a relative– it’s my own kid. So– obligation– and now– my light turns on– oh! I am feeling pressure– that’s that ache where I want to harm myself– pressure. I don’t do well under pressure. I am also so ridiculously sensitive and I just finished a memoir about/by a woman with a number of similarities to me and it and I just get really affected. Her life in the book is completely Bohemian. I’ve been thinking of myself as a recovering Bohemian, but there are things I miss. I miss having time. And that too feels like pressure– never having the time to just entertain myself, hang out. I’m not sure if I should try to change that. I also find the structure that’s now in my life very healing. I’ve been thinking a lot about why structure is healing. The facility where amy son is– there is talk about his need for a “highly structured environment”– I am 5 1/2 years into treatment now. Therapy structured my life for years. I miss that. Now work structures my life and I didn’t see my therapist at all this week, which must also be contributing to feeling out of whack. I am also on a higher does of meds and it has me feeling both extra laid back and extra foggy– the fogginess can be triggering– because I feel like I can’t organize myself and that makes me feel overwhelmed. I’ve been coping with lists, which likely leaves more productive than I was when I could think straighter. But productivity– maximizing productivity– that is certainly not the the point of life. The point of life must be something more like presence. But it feels sort of good too to be dialed down. And there’s sudden pressure to to schedule a visit with my son and I just managing living, going t work, then traveling a bit to see him all in one day– I know that is too much for me. It is too much for me– I’m supposed to trust what I want and what I know I need and I know that that is too much. I’m supposed to insist that I matter. I feel the urge to try and fall asleep to get rid o the world. I need to write down everything I am hoping to accomplish this weekend. My house is streakily clearer and I like that– I am grateful for that and grateful that I don’t feel up to working on it more now, I can reap the benefit of new levels of cleanliness that I have been doing. I should have called my therapist earlier today after I heard a very bad report about my son acting out. I was shaken. I think that if I focus on– I am going to touch base with him tomorrow morning that might calm me down. Yes, that feels better. I want to just pray, Dear God, please be with me. My best friend and other both had sugary today. They are both ok. I can see that my thoughts are all over the place. I can see why it might be unpleasant to be in my head right now. There is little continuity. And of course that feels overwhelming– ¬†nothing processed. I can keep myself safe. I can do it because that’s what I want and because I take precautions and do not have tools around because if I had something here easy I might use it. Nothing really feels safe though. I do not feel safe. But I am in my home, which I am making homey. And I am alone with my big, protective dog by my side. Thank you for letting me have a space here.

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Long time sufferer, first time poster

Posted by kristynsorrenti | December 5th, 2014

Hi, this is my first time on this site and my first post. I was diagnosed with depression sometime in my pre-teen years and have been SI for almost that long. I am in my 30′s now and still struggling. After going almost a year, i have SI twice in the past few months. I am frustrated with always having to fight, everyday, every second.

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Seeking Treatment

Posted by SIman | September 30th, 2014

I am 29 years old, and seeking treatment for my SI issues.  When I become angry, I start hurting myself.  I am not currently a patient, but I have been trying to get in touch with S.A.F.E to schedule a screening, so far unsuccessfully.  Is it normal for it to take so long for them to get back to someone?

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What do you do if you need it?

Posted by Thoughtspiller | September 30th, 2014

Here I am, almost two years into grad school and I may not pass my benchmark class.¬†I am freaking out.¬† I was so confident.¬† I thought I knew it all.¬† Of the 9 people, three of us didn’t get a passing mark.¬† So I have to redo the paper.¬† Which is amazing since they usually don’t do a redo in this specific course.¬† So I am truly grateful that I get this redo with three of my classmates.¬† I don’t understand how this is happening.¬† I have NEVER gotten less than an A on my writing throughout my whole program.¬† Now this stupid TEACHER is saying my writing isn’t enough.¬† That I’m missing the mark?? Yeah I agree, that I missed a point.¬† I get that I messed up.¬† Now? Now im in class doing one more assignment until I redo this one so im not even sure if I get to stay with this group I started with.¬† I cant lose my group.¬† But I have to remember that I cant stay in something because of a group.¬† I keep wondering if I will want to keep going.¬† I keep saying Ill drop out.¬† I just don’t get it.¬† I don’t even want to do this anymore.¬† but this is really what I love. Its what Im good at doing.¬† So I cant quit.¬† But driving to school I was having a panic attack.¬† I was freaking out on my way here. I could barely breathe. I was trying so hard not to cry and to focus on staying safe and driving even.¬† I get to school and I couldn’t focus.¬† I couldn’t sit there for an hour and watch this video and take the right amount of notes without freaking out.¬† So I SI-ed.¬† I’m still not sure how I feel about it.¬† I focused through the video though.¬† However, Now….I don’t know how I feel.¬† I keep eating in class.¬† I need to stop.¬† I need to stop doing this and not freak out.¬† I just cant… I don’t know. I need to go back to class and focus.

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