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Archive for "Parents Connection"


Posted by Lgbtparent | July 6th, 2016

I’m am a mother of a 13yr old transgender child Aj (FtM) that has also been Si for almost 2 years and a slight eating disorder another year before that. I lost sole custody when they were 6 yrs old and their father got full custody and I have what’s considered secondary. I have been communicating and trying very hard to understand and support Aj. The first time I found out they had Si was through Facebook messanger, Aj begged me not to tell their dad, concerned i waited til they were asleep to tell their father in hopes that he would calm down and think things through before Aj awoke. The next day was even more traumatic than before I had no idea he would react how he did and just screamed at Aj and made them show him. He told Aj if it happens again you will put in a hospital for kids n u will be very miserable. It scared Aj so they were more careful of where to do Si and to not say anything. Things have gotten worse and I needed to be very close so I am living with them now. The recent need to transition and coming out at first stopped all Si for over six months til Ajs dad screamed at them and said you will never be a boy n this stops now. Aj then had the worst Si episode yet and Aj told me they want to die. Dad is still far beyond accepting and I am just lost on what to do. Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated.

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First time blogger

Posted by amomslove13 | March 14th, 2016

Hello everyone


I found out yesterday that my 13 yr. Old has been injuring. She decided to tell me in a letter she left in  my car.  When i read the letter I could not stop crying.  After the crying i got angry and felt the guilt set in.  You try to keep an open mind about the things you talk about with your children. You let them know that they can tell you anything.  You tell them you love them no matter what. Then why is it so hard for them to tell you this? I have had personal experience with injuring. I too injured myself when I was younger. After you have children, you tell yourself that you will be the type of mom you always wanted.  I feel so responsible even though I know I am not.

When my daughter was in the sixth grade she was diagnosed with severe anxiety disorder. ¬†She did go to therapy. ¬†It seemed to help her. I too sought out counseling. ¬†After getting a divorce she had hit a wall which I guess contributed to her self injury. ¬†Her father recently got a new girlfriend ¬†and is expecting a baby. I too have moved on. Unfortunately her father did not tell her about the new girlfriend. ¬†This was very hurtful for her. Then to find out that the girlfriend is only half her father’s age was ¬†bombshell. She grew even more depressed. I guess at this point she shut down and didn’t want to take about her feelings.

She often talked about her friend injuring and she told me she was talking to her and giving her support. ¬†I feel this has ¬†also contributed to my daughter’s self injury. ¬†How do I go about asking her to show me? She says she doesn’t want to talk about it. How do i get her to open up and get some help? She stopped going to therapy. ¬†She says she doesn’t want to go back to therapy. ¬†I will be talking to her pediatrician. ¬†Any advice would be helpful. I feel so lost. It seems so much easier to give advice to others about their children. And the advice we give is really good but for some reason we do not use that advice ourselves. Please any helpful techniques will be appreciated.

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How Do I Help Her?

Posted by OneScaredMom | March 4th, 2016

I just found out today my 12 year old daughter is self injuring herself. What little she could say was that she was stressed but not sure why and that it provided her relief. Our pediatrician recommended counseling to help figure out the “why”, which we’ll set up, but sometimes it takes a while to get your first appointment.

Our pediatrician recommended a private journal might be helpful. My daughter agreed and we bought her one today.

How can I help her other than letting her know our door is always open, she can talk to us about anything and that we love her no matter what? I think I reacted well (all things considering), not in anger, just listening and letter her know we’ll help her in any way we can. What I really wanted to do was cry and then take all the doors off the hinges and wrap her in bubble wrap and never let her out of my sight.

~ From one overwhelmed and super scared mom


Help with parenting

Posted by ashnol | December 31st, 2015

I am new to this and I have a 14y/o stepdaughter that has turned to injuring. I have been reading blogs, websites and articles for weeks that all say teens who injure will hide the marks and not let anyone know. I have a very different situation. My teen mainly injures if she is being punished for inappropriate behavior and immediately tells us that she has hurt herself. There are only a few times that she hasn’t told us. When she is grounded from her phone we try to let her have the computer and house phone to communicate with friends (although I know many teens text or chat now). I just feel that everything I am reading has contradicted my situation. Has anyone had any experience with the small amount of teens who injure for attention?


I’m the Mom of a heroin addict who was released from 4 days of jail yesterday & she’s 26.

Posted by FromPA | December 5th, 2015

I don’t know what to do. ¬†She was court ordered into counseling at 15 when she was injuring. Last year she was arrested for heroin. She was 5 months clean. She was working a program through drug court. ¬†Her friend at 25 died of drugs recently. So she took a train to Philadelphia and did heroin again. She was caught by her PO the next day & admitted she’d flunk the test. So she was arrested again for 4 days & got out yesterday. ¬†She called me today. ¬†I have no idea what to do. She’s 26. Her only sibling died as an infant in December. It’s December now and I’m already depressed. ¬†I don’t know anything to do to take care of myself or her. ¬†She’s back living with her father and he never called me when she was arrested again.

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help me help her

Posted by dd29271 | November 30th, 2015

I have just found out my 22 year old daughter SI. I am so scared. I am also feeling such guilt, as she said she has done this since probably about 16 years old. How did I not know? I have read that people who SI have been abused ….but she was not abused….she was loved by her father and I…we did divorce but remained very good friends and always worked together caring for our children. I remarried, and about age 15, my husband died unexpectedly. Could this have triggered the initial pain and SI? And how can I help her….she is starting to engage in drinking at times…I am encouraging her to seek help….but I don’t know if she will. She got angry with me because i know I started getting too involved and rushing to ask her so many questions. I promised her i would back off, and assured her I am here for her and will help support her through this. She lives on her own, so I am not with her daily. I am trying to keep my own emotions in check, but can’t stop crying. I love her so much and can’t bear to see her in pain. I just need help…is there help and success in addressing this


I hope…….

Posted by Pam L. | November 8th, 2015

Hello all,

I’m one of the blog moderators, and I’m noticing that the blog is not very active these days. ¬†My favorite thing about this blog is that it’s a safe place on the internet for people to go and ¬†be able to give and receive some support. ¬†There are so many places on line that are graphic and can be triggering, and yet, so few that truly help to support people and encourage positive support without being triggering.

I’d love to respond to each person and often feel as if I should – but I keep reminding myself that it’s not my blog or SAFE Alternatives’ place to go for support or to give support solely. ¬†It’s for you all to support each other.

To newer blog members РWelcome!  Keep reaching out for help because you are NOT alone.

Best wishes to everyone and I hope you’ll keep on writing. ¬†Everyone needs support now and then, every.single.person.

Pam L.

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help getting my daughter help!

Posted by tml2015 | September 11th, 2015

I need some advice on how to help my 17 year old daughter who self harms. She was admitted in the past for Suicidal Ideation but doesn’t admit to that at this time. She has a diagnosis of Bipolar/anxiety disorder and doesn’t take her meds as prescribed and is really opposed to them at all. Off and on for a few years I have noticed some “clumsiness” -marks on her that she insisted were all an accident or something of the sort. Since she was 11 I have had behavioral problems with her and each time it’s worse, Lately, as her behavioral symptoms are worsening and she has been having problems with her medications and stopping and wanting to refuse them or adjust them on her own, we have noticed scars on her. Most recently after a break up with her boyfriend. When I asked she told me it was like four years old. Her ex boyfriend reported to me that she had been injuring for the entire three years they were together and wrote a statement that he tried to get her to stop and she said she was addicted. When I try to talk to her about getting help, she refuses to admit she’s doing it or that she’s even having problems…always someone else. Stops eating, eats too much…harms in some way…..something.
In Illinois, the law is on her side since she is 17 and I cannot make her get the help she needs. Her psychiatrist recommended that she get an assessment so she started freaking out and wants to seek psychiatric care elsewhere and has that right to do so at her age, I’m told. So as her mother…even though she’s been not taking her meds as prescribed, been displaying some paranoia probably due to that and some self harming behaviors, recommended by the psych she needs to be assessed, I’m out of options. Your S.A.F.E Alternatives program seems to be a wonderful option for her.
I need to know how can you help me talk to her or the right way to get her there? I saw in the information that it has to be voluntary, but if I can’t get her to admit it as being a problem, I don’t know how to do this. We live in Illinois but some time away from here would not hurt her at all. She needs someone who’s neutral to her life and knows about these problems that she doesn’t have to lie to. I just don’t know how to get her to agree to do this.

1 Comment »

Looking for support/advice

Posted by gemini052911 | July 22nd, 2015

I found out yesterday that my 12 year old daughter has been self injuring for over a year now. She doesn’t want to go to therapy and says she isn’t ready to talk about it yet. I respect that, but I also know that isn’t a solution at all. I wrote her a letter and reassured her that I am not angry and that she is not in trouble. I told her that I didn’t know what to do, but that I love her and that we will figure it out together and I will do whatever I need to help her. ¬†We have talked and spent time together today, but she hasn’t brought it up.
I don’t want to push her too much, but I know a conversation needs to happen very soon. She said that one of her friends knows, but hasn’t said who yet. I feel like that’s something I need to know. She is a very private person anyway and doesn’t want anyone to know about this. And I understand that, but I feel like her friend probably needs someone to talk to as well. I can only assume that her friend hasn’t told her parents about it.
I think what I am wondering is where do I start? What questions do I ask her? Is group therapy maybe a better idea for her? Should I ask how often and if it has progressed? Should I ask to see what she has done and with what? Should I make her leave her door open all the time and never leave her by herself? She has always been responsible and besides minor indiscretions I have never had a reason not to trust her. I don’t want to go through all of her stuff or invade her privacy, that’s lousy. ¬†I feel like this isn’t one of those things that breaks trust, but my heart instead.
I’m not looking for a magic answer or anything. I was just hoping to hear from other parents and teens that have been where we are at. Were there certain things that worked better than others? Things you wish you would have done or your parents would have done or said?


trouble exerting authority for fear of daughter hurting herself

Posted by rlock | May 13th, 2015

We are very new to self injury, my daughter has started therapy, both parents trying to be loving and nonjudgmental. My problem as the mom is I’m having trouble exerting my authority because I’m afraid to stress her out and give her a perceived reason to SI. As a result, she is running the show, so to speak, not following the therapists recommendations ( no social media). Any suggestions? This is a hard struggle for the whole family. Thank you