Trigger Free Guidelines

i know that some of you liked my previous post a lot so i would like to share another story with you all. it carries the same type of message of hope and i really hope it helps you in some way.

“Sometimes we wonder, “What did I do to deserve this?” or “Why did God have to do this to me?” Here is a wonderful explanation! A daughter is telling her Mother how everything is going wrong, she’s failing algebra, her boyfriend broke up with her and her best friend is moving away.

Meanwhile, her Mother is baking a cake and asks her daughter if she would like a snack, and the daughter says, “Absolutely Mom, I love your cake.”

“Here, have some cooking oil,” her Mother offers. “Yuck” says her daughter.

“How about a couple raw eggs?” “Gross, Mom!”

“Would you like some flour then? Or maybe baking soda?” “Mom, those are all yucky!”

To which the mother replies: “Yes, all those things seem bad all by themselves. But when they are put together in the right way, they make a wonderfully delicious cake!”

God works the same way. Many times we wonder why He would let us go through such bad and difficult times. But God knows that when He puts these things all in His order, they always work for good! We just have to trust Him and, eventually, they will all make something wonderful!

God is crazy about you. He sends you flowers every spring and a sunrise every morning.

Whenever you want to talk, He’ll listen. He can live anywhere in the universe, and He chose your heart.”

i still pray for you all and truly wish for your happiness and recovery.

with much love,

j

i found this song and i thought it might help someone.

there are days
you stumble and you fall
and sometimes through it all
you think you’ll never stand again
there are times
when choices weigh you down
and bend you to the ground
that’s a place that we’ve all been

you can change
you can turn your heart around
a brand new start can be found
if you’ll only take one step
you can change
wrap your mistakes in a cocoon
and let them die
and emerge a butterfly
you can change

now it’s time
to finally spread your wings
and soar to higher things
you know the limit is the sky
as you go
if you sometimes fail
when your spirit’s frail
remember you were meant to fly
’cause you can change
you can turn your heart around
a brand new start can be found
if you’ll only take one step
you can change
wrap your mistakes in a cocoon
and let them die
and emerge a butterfly
you can change

On Monday night, I got the idea to si again. I have been doing really good, like I hadn’t self-injured since June 5th. But I did Monday night. I hate myself for doing it too. I have no one to turn to anymore. I don’t want to tell my parents what’s going on. But I know I need help and I want it. But at 14 there’s nothing to do without your parents knowing. i’m so mad at myself. Especially because I don’t even know why I even decided to si Monday anyways.

hi there,
this is my first post…i am 22 and only have one real friend…but i met her online on a SH website a few days ago and she lives in another state…

before this past sunday, i had never thought about SI so seriously, like i would actually do something…i woke up and felt so empty…i admitted myself (reluctantly) to a hospital in september b/c i was having a nervous breakdown…after seeing a girl there with scars, the thought to SI keeps popping in my head, a whole lot lately.

I have it all. Really great family, good school, but i feel like i’m always an outside observer of it all like i never fit in…i should be soooo greatful for everything i have…i have had a kidney transplant and i am a cancer survivor…so i should be so happy that i’m healthy right now, right?

i just don’t want something else wrong with me! it would just kill my mom, and i cant stand to see her cry like that again. she is the only thing that keeps this family going, and if i tell her i’m having thoughts of SI, it will all fall apart…AGAIN…and it would be my fault…AGAIN…what do i do?

I’ve had an injuring problem for about two years now. I may do it for a whole, stop, then relapse. Recently I’ve been seriously considering suicide and turning to SI more than ever. I don’t know why, but I knew I had to tell someone and I ended up blurting it out to my cousin (who has become a best friend for me) one night. He’s been trying to help and I found out today that he told my grandparents because he was beginning to feel helpless, so I had to admit it to my mom before they did. My mom’s scared for me, but she’s going to call a therapist for me tomorrow. She still doesn’t know that I injure, and I really don’t know if I should tell her. If anyone could help me, I would be extremely grateful. Thank you. <3

I need help!! Seriously!! I’ve been injuring myself a lot lately. I don’t know how to stop, and my twin sister Dena has tried to make me quit, but I can’t!! I hate making her sad, as she is a former injurer, and wants to help me any way she can. I was just wondering if anyone out there could help me.

I just found out my brother is going to see my abusive alcoholic sorry excuse for a father this weekend. I don’t speak to the man, which you probably assessed from my tone. My brother doesn’t really remember every wrongdoing my father did as I do. Afterall he is 4 years younger, he was too young to remember the years before my parents divorced. He never was able to comprehend why I was happy when I was told I didn’t have to continue the mandatory weekend visits. Anyways- my father recently came to me to make amends, and I accepted his apologies halfheartedly. But when he asked if we could share in a relationship again I told him no becausee he hasn’t changed. He’s still drinking which means he is probably still abusive. I mean he showed up to make amends already having downed a pint at 11 am.

Anyways… my brother still wants a relationship with the guy and I’m having a hard time being understanding. I know he’s a boy and he wants a relationship with his father but I fear any influence my biological father may have over him. I know its just a weekend and I shouldn’t worry- but I do. Part of me is also upset that he could be so forgiving, but then I remember he didn’t receive the kind of verbal abuse I did. He was always “the boy,” the prized possession that wasn’t to be touched.

I feel as though I’m being selfish. I envy any relationship they could have yet do not want one of my own. Its frustrating me beyond belief. I’m dealing with it by writing this.

On a complete other side of my mind, are my feelings for my exboyfriend. I want to be his friend but I don’t know that I can. I may still have feelings for him. Everytime I think this I try to stop myself. He doesn’t want you. He is yet another man who finds you not worth it to stick around.

And I seem to be screwing up. There are two other nice guys that have expressed interest but I can’t help but feel gunshy. I am so sick of being left. And I am so sick of linguring thoughts about the previous guy that make me want to SI just to focus my mind elsewhere. Yes I am still going strong, no SI , but I can’t help but wonder who will be the next one to chip away another part of me and break through the wall of strength I am trying to build. I’m trying to be patient but its so hard.

Hey…I haven’t posted for a while on this blog. I recently relapsed after having 12 days of being SI free. It is too much for me now…I cannot afford to go back to SI anymore or I believe I will die!! It never gets better when I do it it always gets worse!! It is like I fool myself into thinking that things will be different the next time!! It never is…it’s all a lie!! I know today…that I want to recover from this!! I am reaching out in hopes that someone hears me!! I met someone recently where I live who SI’s as well and she is going to come to my self-injury group that I am starting here!!! I really hope that by passing on the tools and resources that I have…will not only help this person but me as well!! I totally believe that in order to keep what you have, even if it’s only a day…you have to give it away!!! Here’s hoping…..

I just joined this site yesterday because I was feeling pretty down and had gone on the TWLOHA website to see if there were any links for sites like this.  As of today I have gone 30 days without SI and it feels great but its still really hard.  For me, one of the hardest parts about the process of stoping is the feeling that nobody understands me.  I go to a therapist once a week and we talk about why I SI and things like that but in the end I know that she will never really understand the way I feel and all she knows about SI is what she has been taught or read in a book.  I know other people who SI and sometimes I talk to them but I have a hard time talking face to face with others about my problem even if I know they have gone through the same thing.  That is why I thought this site would be good for me because I can express how I am feeling to other people who actually understand without the stress of a face to face conversation.

I sometimes feel like yelling at people and telling them they just don’t get it when they talk to me like they understand.  They could never know what its like for me to have to hide my scars and be embarrased by them but also feel like it would be easier not to hide.  They can’t understand that sometimes I need to be handeld carefully or else I might break and sometimes I just want people to treat me normally.  I was wondering if the other people on this site ever feel the same way and how they deal with it because right now feeling alone is what is making it harder to not SI.

Before about March or April, i loved to think of myself as a very happy person. And I was. I never had any feelings of depression. Depression was a feeling that i knew nothing about and I had never experienced it until recently. For the most part, I don’t even understand why I’m depressed half the time.  I had figured out though, that a lot of it does come from the depression of my friends, family, and others that I love. When one of my friends or a member of my family is not happy, it makes me extremely unhappy. I guess I am a people pleaser. It would be the best thing ever if I could just make everybody happy. I started injuring in April, and have had ups and downs with it along with my emotions. It has been almost 2 weeks since I last injured, and I am hoping to keep that record going as long as I can. The worst part about my depression is that I feel like should not be depressed at all. I live an awesome life, I have an amazing family, the most supportive and great friends a person can ever have, andoverall im very healthy and have a stable life. So what gives me the right to be depressed when everything is so good? My goal for myself is to find the true me again. The very happy person that felt alive. This is my first post because i just joined this helpline, and i was hoping to find some insight from other people who self abuse and find out a way to rescue myself. Please share your thoughts and stories with me. :]