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If you have thoughts of suicide call: 911, 800 - SUICIDE (784-2433), or go to the nearest emergency room.

Struggling

Posted by Tranquil Waterfall | August 30th, 2014

Right now, I am wishing I had never handed my tools over. I have spent the last two days feeling both angry and anxious, and I know why. I need to confront someone, and I hate doing that sort of thing, it makes me anxious and the person has hurt me so many times, which has caused my anger. I am worried I will get desperate and find some other tool to use. Then again, maybe not. Maybe I am strong enough not to go looking for something else after all. Instead, I can pray and make myself some tea. Yes, I will do those things.

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the grass is greener…over there

Posted by blueray | August 26th, 2014

I continue to struggle…I am still trying to find a suitable job and it is taking a toll on me. The part-time job I do have takes time, and the time I do have I struggle between taking time for myself vs. this desperate need to do job searching activities. There hasn’t been much interest in my applications which has been very discouraging. I am depressed and feel the sting of rejection, loss of purpose, and anxiety over money everyday. I try to hold it together, but the other day I snapped. I had to wake up early for my part-time job, but I haven’t been able to sleep well lately, so I was very tired. I was so tired, depressed, angry and feeling so hopeless I had this urge to be destructive in this fit of rage. I am so terrified that in that moment I might hurt someone or something else, that I always take it out on me instead. I ended up SIing. I wasn’t sure what else to do.

Another thing that I find is not helping is I am comparing my situation to others who I graduated with. Many of them have jobs now and are moving forward with life. FB has been a place I can’t even venture to lately. I just see all the smiles, words of congrats to people achieving great things while I sit here in tears. I pray everyday, and although I find my faith wavering, it is the only thing I find gives me some sense of hope – perhaps God can help or at least help provide me some patience and direction.

I am not sure what to do anymore. I feel the depression is getting worse- and I know it is situational. But how can I improve my situation without finding suitable employment. I feel so lost and desperate and I am regretting some of my choices everyday for they have gotten me to this point. Why can’t I find something that I can be proud of and share my good news with others. It’s hard to be happy for others when I am struggling everyday with just getting through a day without sobbing. I continue to tell myself I am blessed, that I do have a lot, despite wanting more. But I can’t help compare with those that are like me – they are able to get good jobs fast, find friends, lose weight, etc… I know looks are deserving and no one has it all together, but I the more I compare the more I feel myself coming further apart.

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Posted by healing | August 24th, 2014

I want to write about how well I’m doing. I did the laundry, I made a meal. I haven’t done anything bad in over a week. Circumstances are harrowing– would be for anyone. It is objectively difficult, and I am navigating. I’m proud of myself.

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Who put society in charge?

Posted by BarelyBreathing | August 23rd, 2014

Wondering if you have a purpose in life, every night just drives you insane.. Doesn’t it? Feeling like your nothing, because that’s how society makes you feel, awful. Isn’t it? Feeling so alone..and broken.. Think nobody cares about how you feel is such a terrible feeling.. Isn’t it? I have a question. Who put society in charge of everything? Why do they get to tell you who you can be, what to wear, how to act? I didn’t vote for this? Did you? Be yourself. Be who you are. Put that tool down, and appreciate yourself. Stop listening to people who know absolutely nothing. Youre beautiful. I pinky promise. People shouldn’t have to second guess their existence, right?

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two big decisions

Posted by Tranquil Waterfall | August 23rd, 2014

I have made a decision. I’m NOT taking my self-harm stuff to college with me this year. And when I do have to come home? I had to make another decision regarding that. I locked my items up. You are probably asking what is the point in doing that? I have already arranged to give the box to someone (I’m the only one who has a key), so that I won’t be tempted when I come home. If I want my box, I have to ask for it, and that person is going to know why I want it. I know, I know, it’s like why don’t I just get rid of my stuff entirely, right? I still can’t bring myself to do that yet. I have spent some time updating my list of alternatives, because I know I am going to get majorly overcome with life stuff and feel as if I will have regretted this. But, if not now, when? Not later, for I would have found some excuse to not make such a step.

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new

Posted by mferrell | August 19th, 2014

I found this site in hopes to stop hurting myself. ¬†I for the first time told my husband everything and even showed him all my injuries I have tried so hard to hide. ¬†I feel now there is no where to go but up and get better. ¬†For some info, ¬†I’m seeing a therapist and have depression, ¬†anxiety, ¬†and borderline personality disorder.

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I can’t figure out what to do

Posted by thatonedepressedperson | August 19th, 2014

So, I met this guy. He’s 23. I’m 16, so I can legally consent. Yes, we’ve had sex, and I have seriously fallen for him. The other night, I was staying at his house, and we were laying there after. He told me he was in love with another girl, and he would end it if he lost her. We were sitting at this woman’s house that I babysit for, and we were talking about everything. I said I would rather have someone I can still physically be with, but talk to about anything, and I wanted it to be him. He said when he went home for a little bit, he was thinking about how this would work for all three of us. I go to school, with the girl, but she doesn’t know about anything. I told him I was okay with everything that’s about to happen, and he left, telling me not to do anything stupid. After a few minutes, I started crying, and I don’t know why, because I am completely fine with everything. But I cried over it, and then I injured. What do I do?? How can I figure this out??

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Anxiety

Posted by barista.steph | August 15th, 2014

I’m feeling pretty desperate today for a relief from my anxiety. Alcohol and drugs don’t work, I’ve tried it. I tried both last night and it made it worse so I stopped. I’m over those things I think. I’ve been waking up about 4am with this paralyzing anxiety every morning. I usually fall back asleep within a couple hours after. Today it’s stuck around all day :( it’s worse now. I took a 15 min break from work now to try to calm down. I feel like it’s a fever breaking, except these always “break” with tears. It’s such a relief when I finally cry from the built up anxiety. I wish I could force that and get it over with. I feel the tightness on my throat when you’re about to cry. All the noises are so loud and the lights are all so bright. My “flight or fight” button is so broken. I am sort of at a loss for what to do. I’ve used all my coping skills, I’ve done everything I know! It’s not working and I feel so alone :( I’m desperate enough to try self harm when I get home but I’m afraid if I do it just this once that I’ll get “hooked” and it will be hard to stop. I’m also afraid I’ll feel ashamed of myself and start that cycle up. It’s probably not worth the risk of either of those things. But even thinking of the process of getting everything ready is calming.

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There is hope, you are not alone

Posted by Pam L. | August 12th, 2014

We are deeply saddened by the death of Robin Williams. When many media reports focus on the issue of suicide, it can often bring up painful memories for suicide loss survivors, and can increase feelings of hopelessness in those who experience depression.

Please remember that you are not alone. It takes a lot of courage to reach out for help – but we hope you will remember we ALL need help now and then. Every single life has value.

Please remember to take care of yourself and your loved ones in the coming days. If you or someone you know is struggling please contact the 24/7 National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

Please also feel free to share your feelings about this great loss here. ¬†Sometimes, hiding behind the biggest smile, is such great sadness. ¬†We hope you won’t hide your feelings, but that you’ll reach out.

 

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Posted by blueray | August 10th, 2014

I am trying to identify a feeling right now..a feeling that just seems so overwhelming if I don’t do something about it in a constructive way it will end up being destructive. The only way I can label it is severe irritation, anger and worry. Maybe it’s due to the lack of sleep, maybe I am hormonal, or maybe it is just how the events of the world and of my world are. I am depressed about my own situation – feeling worthless and with no direction. But then I get angry at myself for being selfish. Then I see the news and all the sad and scary stories of war, death, fighting, etc. Again, perhaps it is my current mood, but sometimes I can’t help but feel worried for us as human beings on this planet trying to cooperate and be friendly with one another. Why is it so hard to be nice and respectful? It makes me angry, and then I feel my anger directed at those accused of doing horrible things -then I think maybe this is a vicious cycle. But should I not get angry when someone is hurting someone else?

I feel like crying because I almost feel desperate. I am desperate for my own situation, desperate to move forward, desperate for peace. It probably doesn’t help that I haven’t been doing much self care lately. Although I seem to lounge about being depressed when I am not working at my part-time job or trying to find another job, I don’t do anything fun anymore. I feel lonely and sad. I feel that I don’t deserve to be happy and that my time should be spent working harder to improve my situation.

I don’t know where I am going with this post. I just needed to get these thoughts out. I can feel the lump in my throat that you get before the sobbing starts. I just need to forget things for awhile and not worry.

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